1. Blackout in a moutherfuckin' bottle. At about $2.50 a 40 oz. with an alcoholic concentration of 10.5 percent , this low-dignity malt beverage is the cheapest, quickest way to exit this dimension next to either butt chugging every Windex bottle in your house or channeling your inner meth
head and throwing back some of that blue
juice from under the sink.
Tastes
like horse
pussy and cat shit. Drinking three or more of these in a 12-hour period automatically results in
death. Drinking two of these bad boys in that same period results in regretable life decisions that will have your parents questioning why the fuck they had kids ... and why they didn't abort you via coat hanger.
Disclaimer: if you imbibe this beverage, you might as well dress up
like a sailor and take a trip down to your nearest harpoon emporium because when you're a couple of side pockets deep you might nab yourself a Moby Dick or two. But hey, fat girls need
love as well. Just look at Precious.
As if this couldn't get any worse, a side pocket is also known as a prostitute who will let you fuck their colostomy hole. To be honest, one too many Side Pockets 40s is probably the motive behind many a
people becoming such dirty barnyard whores in the first place. Just ask
your mom.
2. The official malt beverage of the National Homeless League.
