1. a suburb of Chicago
2. a city superior to all its surrounding cities (Naperville, Glen Ellyn, Lombard, Carol Stream, any other worthless city that can't live up to what is Wheaton)
3. a place to learn, not necessarily party (residents can read and write...that's more than other nearby cities can boast...Aurora, Lombard, Carol Stream, Glen Ellyn)
4. a place free of dangerous minorities (for the most part)
5. a city that revolves around the Lord, athletics, and white people
Do you want to go the Fox Valley Mall?
-No, let's just stay in Wheaton today. There are too many dangerous minorities there.
Did you hear about the party in Lombard tonight?
-Yeah, but I'd rather stay in Wheaton where I know my ass-hole is safe from penetration.