The explanation as to why Ortiz has no home runs yet. There are two theories.
A)He was a juicer, stopped, and now sucks.
B)He is just too old and fat to hit one.
Guy 1: Why hasn't Ortiz gone deep yet?
Guy 2: He is horrible now that he stopped juicing.
Guy 3: No, he's just too old to hit one.
Guy 1: Ah, the David Ortiz theory in action.