telephony's definitions

corporate douche

The president of a company who has lousy, bottom-of-the-barrel customer service and even shittier TV commercials is known as a corporate douche.
The corporate version of an asshaberdasher.

The head of Wall*Mart is such a huge corporate douche for having commercials made using that swollen and distended urine-yellow smiley dressed up in a Zorro costume floating around, breaking shit, and hacking at store price flares with this big-ass knife!

by Telephony August 12, 2016

drivenf

How John Bush (at the time the singer for Anthrax pronounced the word, "driven" in the song, "Packaged Rebellion".
He also pronounced the word, "influence" as, "influencef".

♪ I don't want to how you're so drivenf ♪
♪ I don't want to know your influencef ♪
♪ I don't need to prove myself ♪
♪ I just need to be myself ♪
♪ It doesn't show how I'm trying to be ♪
♪ It just shows who I am ♪

by Telephony March 25, 2017

uranate like a competitive equine

Means the same as piss like a racehorse; e.g., when you have to pee really badly.

Sheesh!!! Todd had to uranate like a competitive equine this morning!!! Must have been all the brewskies he had last night!!!

by Telephony January 20, 2011

baby shit brown

Means the same as the phrase baby poop brown.
Some cars & trucks have this hideous brown paint job which has the color of baby shit; hence the phrase, "baby shit brown". This paint job is so old that it is often somewhat faded and has a matte finish (vs. a glossy finish as is usual for automotive paint jobs).

A 1970 Ford Maverick that I had in 1986 sported this type of paint -- faded, matte finish, and colored baby shit brown.

{From a website that has these phoney bologna fake "battles" between TV commercial mascots}:

Parked on the street are a 1986 Honda Accord sporting a dull baby shit brown paint finish (the doors are locked but the keys are still in the ignition) and (again with the keys already in the ignition) a 2014 Kia Soul with a custom lime green paint job.

by Telephony October 26, 2013

urinehead

Somebody who has enuresis (pisses the bed) well past his or her childhood years.

{Dave; at a jr. high basketball game to his 12 year-old stepbrother}: He wets the bed, urinehead!!!

by Telephony April 9, 2013

5th of July

The day when you walk down the street and see things such as sticks from bottle rockets, and remnants of Roman candles scattered in lawns and in gutters, and the occasional "banana peeled" mailbox that got that way because some asshaberdasher shoved a lighted M80 or M500 illegal firecracker into it the night before.

Hey Jimbo, check out that demolished mailbox!
Must be the 5th of July or something!

by Telephony July 3, 2014

The Shampoo Killer

Somebody who pisses into bottles of shampoo, thus ruining them.

John Grass uranated into bottles of shampoo (thus converting them into shampee) at the Juneau Receiving Home in the very early-1980s, and subsequently earned the nickname "The Shampoo Killer".

by Telephony October 21, 2010