A theory developed under the influence of alcohol.
Dave couldn't understand why that girl kneed him in the balls. He and his friends had spent hours working on their barpothesis that she would be fatally attracted to his cutting-edge one-liners and urbane charm.
A chronic wanker. Observable features: hand calluses and muscular development in dominant arm only; highly likely to file an illegitimate compensation claim for repetitive strain injury; drinks lots of fluid.
Supervisor Jill: “Off to the toilet again Dave? Upset stomach?”.
Dave: “Yeh. Something I ate last night” *checks his iWank to make sure the battery is full and heads for the bathroom*.
Jane (to Jill): "What a cranker".