old lang guy's definitions

cinderella fuck

In the ancient days of the 1970s, when dinosaurs ruled the earth and men were tiny squeaking rodents (not all that much has changed), a cinderella fuck was getting intercourse from a girl in her dorm room before the curfew when men were thrown out of the women's dorms. If you were really lucky, she'd want to get started early, but a lot of women preferred to start the cinderella fuck at about ten minutes to midnight. The opposite of a "rule of half past four."

"So you getting any?"

"I got about five minutes of a cinderella fuck before the PA announced 'all men off the floor.'"

by old lang guy August 24, 2007

tit in a wringer

This is the last survivor of one of many "Haven't heard anything like that since Grandma (Grandpa) ..." expressions that used to mean someone was overdramatizing their problems. Implied the person commented on was acting like a whiny old person. "Haven't heard anything like that since Granny got her tit caught in the wringer" was what you'd say when, e.g., a coworkers spent the morning complaining about someone having taken the last cup of coffee and not making a fresh pot.

"And everyone forgot to tell me that Awards Day is next week! Why doesn't anyone ever tell me? Doesn't anyone care ...." etc.

(whispered to friend) "Haven't heard anything like that since Granny caught her tit in a wringer."

(Alternatives that once were common) "Haven't heard anything like that since someone put a cherry bomb in Grandpa's truss."

"Haven't heard anything like that since Granny sat on the toilet plunger."

"Haven't heard anything like that since Grandpa got a turd stuck sideways."

by old lang guy September 18, 2008

monkey fuck

Shortened version of the backstage expression "That looked like a monkey fucking a football" -- i.e. "Oh, wow, that was so godawful awkward and stupid that I had to stare at it." Among stage crew and roadies, a monkey fuck is not just any mistake or accident. It's something that you couldn't possibly avoid that forces you to look really stupid in front of a large audience.

"I hear load-in took a while."

"Oh, shit, they got us carts but they were two inches too wide for the passageway, and they only gave us half a crew because we had carts, and the band just got these new super expensive amps, so we had to hand carry them and not bump or drop them, and then the loading dock door jammed so we were carrying them through the front lobby, four house guys on an amp, all bent over like hunchbacks, with a roadie following us and screaming to be careful, and everyone in line buying tickets laughing at us. It was a total monkey fuck."

by old lang guy February 19, 2008

slut in a box

The "private live show" booths at the back of some porn shops and strip clubs, where a girl strips, masturbates, and/or inserts dildos on the lighted side of the glass, while the paying customer jacks off in the dark on the other side of the glass. A few of them are fronts for prostitution or have glory holes, but most are just places for a guy to have a quiet private yank on his crank while a pretty girl shows off to him.

Sandy got tired of guys trying to get under the G-string when they tucked in a bill, so she started working at the slut in a box club.

He didn't have the money for a hooker or even for a rub-and-tug so he ended up going to a slut in a box.

by old lang guy September 25, 2006

pube jeans

Jeans so low cut that some pubic hair curls over the belt buckle; thought to be daring and sexy by a certain kind of younger woman.

That can't be her real hair color!

It's not, check what's sticking out of her pube jeans.

by old lang guy October 17, 2006

Run the Gauntlet

Variant spelling of "run the gantlet." Spelled either way, it's pronounced gauntlet. A gantlet is a double line of people with clubs, whips, tomahawks, fraternity paddles, or other weapons; the poor bastard being punished runs between the lines and everyone hits him as he goes by. Depending on weapons and circumstances, this has been used as an initiation, a test of courage, a way to decide which prisoner to let go (to take the message back that you are holding hostages), or a way to execute someone without making any one person responsible. Often used to describe what the in-crowd does to a noob before accepting him -- "Making him run the gantlet" is a stronger, more violent expression than "making him pay some dues" or "putting him through all the hoops."

The Indians made old Zeke run the gauntlet and when he made it through with just some cuts and a lump on his head, they let him go.

My first year on the job they made me run the gantlet, but after that I was in.

At Kappa Kappa Kappa they make us pledges run the gauntlet for three months, and then on initiation night they make us run a real gantlet; I got through with my ass only getting about five hits, but my roommate fell down and they flayed his pathetic ass.

by old lang guy January 11, 2008

rule of half past four

The rule that if you listen very seriously and intently, with a deeply caring expression, to anyone until 4:30 a.m., they then must have sex with you. Sometimes a verb as well. Comes from the original, good version of Bedazzled, with Peter Cook (as the devil) and Dudley Moore (as the guy being tempted).

"Have you thought of just applying the rule of half past four?"

"What is it?"

"If you can stay wide awake and gaze at her thinking 'You are fascinating,' the whole time she talks, for everything she says, no matter how pointless and no matter how stupid, till half past four in the morning, you're in." (Not an exact quote)

I wanted her so bad that one night when she was drunk and dumping all this self pity, I kept telling her what an interesting person she was, until I finally half past foured my way into her pants.

by old lang guy August 31, 2007