nicholas d's definitions

personperson

The politically correct term for a postal worker. The old offensive term is “mailman” but “mail” is sexist because it sounds like “male” and “man” is obviously sexist to female or non-binary postal workers.

Female postal worker: “I’m here to bring you your 25 annoying unsolicited Capital One offers for the day! Enjoy tossing these straight in the recycling bin.”
Guy: “Thanks! You’re my favorite mailwoman!”
Female postal worker: “Um...excuse me! Did you say MALE woman? I do not identify as male, you sexist pig.”
Guy: “Heavens to Betsy! How could I be so insensitive? I mean you’re my favorite personperson.”
Female postal worker: “That’s much better.”

by Nicholas D March 21, 2020

ghostwood

An episode of erectile dysfunction, specifically when your wood ghosts you.

Mildred: “Heavens to Betsy, Barney, I already took my dentures out and you’ve gone soft on me!”
Barney: "For Pete’s sake, woman, it’s just the old ghostwood again! Let me pop this Viagra and I’ll be rarin’ to go in a jiffy.”

by Nicholas D May 2, 2021

cum in the fluffer

To mess up completely and utterly; to screw the pooch. Comes from pornstar/influencer/philosopher Aella's 2024 birthday gangbang, where 5 of the 37 guys allowed to have intercourse with Aella came in the fluffer and missed their shot at the birthday girl. A fluffer is an assistant who keeps performers excited on pornography sets to prepare for their scene.

Johnson, if you don't get that TPS report in by end of day you're going to get shitcanned. Step it up and don't cum in the fluffer here.

by Nicholas D March 3, 2024

bake like a challah and leaven

to leave your current location

The uncooked bread got sick of walking around the bakery with all the other delicious, already-cooked breads, so he decided to bake like a challah and leaven.

by Nicholas D June 6, 2004

turkey bomb

A redneck version of a Jager bomb or car bomb. Involves dropping a shot of Wild Turkey bourbon into Shiner Bock beer.

Judd: "After y'ins had all those turkey bombs last night, Cletus was so hogged up that he passed out in the holler with his face in a cow patty."
Ricky: "Well I'll be darned if that ain't the craziest thing I've heard in a dog's age! Slap your grandma!"

by Nicholas D March 17, 2009

sticker shock

A condition resulting from seeing the total price of a bunch of items and realizing the damage is much greater than you originally expected. May cause a person to have second thoughts about the purchase.

I wanted to book your mom for 7 days of her "services," but when I realized the total came to $21, I got major sticker shock and decided to bail out.

by Nicholas D June 17, 2006

Venezuelans

A word meaning "white people" that you use when you don't want others to know what you're talking about. Similar to 2520. Derived from white people -> crackers -> Caracas -> Venezuelans.

Juan: "All right, finally here. Hope this party is good."
Hiroshi: "Word."
(walk in)
Juan: "Shit, man. This looks pretty lame."
Hiroshi: "I know, right? Lots of Venezuelans in here."
Juan: "Sweet, I'm Venezuelan."
Hiroshi: "No, I'm talking about 2520s, you know what I'm saying?"
Juan: "Oh... Yeah, it's totally like a country club in here. Won't be long before a game of croquet or water polo breaks out. I FUCKING HATE WHITE PEOPLE!"
(music stops and everyone stares)
Hiroshi: "Damn dude, so much for subtlety. Let's blow this bitch."

by Nicholas D July 27, 2012