nicholas d's definitions
Short for investment banking, an industry devoted to squeezing money out of transactions, famous for paying a metric shitload, being filled with douchebags, and doing absolutely nothing for the benefit of society. It is amazing that anyone actually ends up in this industry, as you have to be very smart to get such a job, but very stupid to take it.
Common characteristics are:
1) 80-100+ hour weeks, rarely even a weekend day off. Although it pays a lot in absolute terms, if you consider it on a per-hour basis (including overtime pay), it's not too far above minimum wage.
2) Meaningless, tedious, mind-numbing work.
3) A constant false sense of urgency on all projects.
4) Bonuses almost as big and sometimes bigger than base salaries, that is if you survive until bonus time.
5) Ranking everyone in the firm on the scale {Analyst, Associate, Vice President, Director/Executive Director, Managing Director, and so on}, often even HR, secretaries, and sanitation workers. Contradictorily, an "Analyst" in HR doesn't analyze anything, and a "Vice President" really isn't very important or high up at all.
6) Consistently recruits top college graduates into voluntary sweatshop-like slave labor camps called "Analyst programs."
Common characteristics are:
1) 80-100+ hour weeks, rarely even a weekend day off. Although it pays a lot in absolute terms, if you consider it on a per-hour basis (including overtime pay), it's not too far above minimum wage.
2) Meaningless, tedious, mind-numbing work.
3) A constant false sense of urgency on all projects.
4) Bonuses almost as big and sometimes bigger than base salaries, that is if you survive until bonus time.
5) Ranking everyone in the firm on the scale {Analyst, Associate, Vice President, Director/Executive Director, Managing Director, and so on}, often even HR, secretaries, and sanitation workers. Contradictorily, an "Analyst" in HR doesn't analyze anything, and a "Vice President" really isn't very important or high up at all.
6) Consistently recruits top college graduates into voluntary sweatshop-like slave labor camps called "Analyst programs."
Vice President #1: "SHIT!!! I'm going to have to spend all weekend getting this investor request done!!!"
Vice President #2: "Calm down man, it's not due back to them til the end of next week!"
VP #1: "NO, it needs to be done NOW!!! Where are all those analysts we hired? One of them can do the mindless bitch work."
VP #2: "Um, one committed suicide, two ended up in the mental ward, and another drowned in the huge pool of bullshit."
VP #1: "DAMN IT!!! We need to hire a new one. How about that janitor analyst Joe?"
VP #2: "Um...I guess so..."
VP #1: "Hey Joe, do you want a job as a corporate finance I-banking analyst here at Goldman Sachs? We'll pay you $60,000 base and you'll probably get $60,000 more in bonus. All we need from you is to give up every waking hour of your life, your health, and your soul."
Joe: "No thanks, I'd rather unclog toilets. Besides, I already make $8 an hour - I don't want to take a pay cut."
VP #1: "OH SHIT!!! WE'RE SO SCREWED!!! This needs to get done NOW!!!"
VP #2: "Whatever man, just make Nick D do it."
Vice President #2: "Calm down man, it's not due back to them til the end of next week!"
VP #1: "NO, it needs to be done NOW!!! Where are all those analysts we hired? One of them can do the mindless bitch work."
VP #2: "Um, one committed suicide, two ended up in the mental ward, and another drowned in the huge pool of bullshit."
VP #1: "DAMN IT!!! We need to hire a new one. How about that janitor analyst Joe?"
VP #2: "Um...I guess so..."
VP #1: "Hey Joe, do you want a job as a corporate finance I-banking analyst here at Goldman Sachs? We'll pay you $60,000 base and you'll probably get $60,000 more in bonus. All we need from you is to give up every waking hour of your life, your health, and your soul."
Joe: "No thanks, I'd rather unclog toilets. Besides, I already make $8 an hour - I don't want to take a pay cut."
VP #1: "OH SHIT!!! WE'RE SO SCREWED!!! This needs to get done NOW!!!"
VP #2: "Whatever man, just make Nick D do it."
by Nicholas D May 7, 2007
Get the I-bankingmug. A polictically-correct way to say the word "retarded," a la the Black Eyed Peas song "Let's Get It Started."
Tom: Oh man, Jim, I was heading to school today and I saw a BUNCH of retarded kids walking to their special school.
Teacher: Thomas Joseph Wilkins! You know not to use such language in the classroom!
Tom: Sorry, Mrs. Peterson. What happened was I saw a bunch of it started kids on the way to school. They were so it started that I went up and stole a bunch of money from each of them and they didn't even notice, and then I pushed one of them over, laughed at him, and yelled "get out of the way, it start!"
Teacher: That's much better Thomas.
Teacher: Thomas Joseph Wilkins! You know not to use such language in the classroom!
Tom: Sorry, Mrs. Peterson. What happened was I saw a bunch of it started kids on the way to school. They were so it started that I went up and stole a bunch of money from each of them and they didn't even notice, and then I pushed one of them over, laughed at him, and yelled "get out of the way, it start!"
Teacher: That's much better Thomas.
by Nicholas D October 19, 2005
Get the it startedmug. A rhetorical question asked to indicate that a person has been thoroughly schooled, reamed, or taken to the house. Pretty much means, "That must have hurt!"
A short, more polite form of, "How's your cornhole?" To make it less offensive/obvious, you may add "...family" or something similar to the end of "How's your hole?"
A short, more polite form of, "How's your cornhole?" To make it less offensive/obvious, you may add "...family" or something similar to the end of "How's your hole?"
Banker 1: "I'm in equities, what do you do?"
Banker 2: "I'm in subprime mortgage trading?"
Banker 1: "Ooooh...how's your hole?"
Prisoner 1: "Man, I dropped the soap again last night."
Prisoner 2: "Ooooh...how's your hole...family?"
Yuppie 1: "I just got hit up for $5 on this half-gallon of organic milk and $10 a pound for this free-range chicken at Whole Foods."
Yuppie 2: "Ooooh...how's your hole...foods?"
Banker 2: "I'm in subprime mortgage trading?"
Banker 1: "Ooooh...how's your hole?"
Prisoner 1: "Man, I dropped the soap again last night."
Prisoner 2: "Ooooh...how's your hole...family?"
Yuppie 1: "I just got hit up for $5 on this half-gallon of organic milk and $10 a pound for this free-range chicken at Whole Foods."
Yuppie 2: "Ooooh...how's your hole...foods?"
by Nicholas D December 20, 2007
Get the How's your hole?mug. Wall Street trader slang for:
1) To print a ticket, i.e. make a trade or seal the deal
2) To have sex with a woman - seal the deal
1) To print a ticket, i.e. make a trade or seal the deal
2) To have sex with a woman - seal the deal
(on the trading floor)
Karen Hooker (Merrill Lynch trader): "I'll sell you 1000 shares of Motel 6 stock for $50 apiece."
Chris Taylor (Bear Stearns trader): "Done! Print that!"
Karen: "I'll also sell you long positions on Google, Blackstone, and Merrill, and a short position on Bear Stearns."
Chris: "I'll take it all! Oh yeah! Money money money money!!!"
(later at Chris' home)
Chris' wife: "How was your day? Why are you home so late?"
Chris: "Well, there was this girl - Hooker, actually. You know, the old Motel 6 deal. I totally printed that shit! She gave it up for only 50 bucks! Then she got me in all these positions and I must have printed four or five more times! Damn I'm tired from all that action. I'm hitting the sack."
Chris' wife: ***SMACK!!!*** "Get out now! How could you do this to your loving wife and poor little children?"
Karen Hooker (Merrill Lynch trader): "I'll sell you 1000 shares of Motel 6 stock for $50 apiece."
Chris Taylor (Bear Stearns trader): "Done! Print that!"
Karen: "I'll also sell you long positions on Google, Blackstone, and Merrill, and a short position on Bear Stearns."
Chris: "I'll take it all! Oh yeah! Money money money money!!!"
(later at Chris' home)
Chris' wife: "How was your day? Why are you home so late?"
Chris: "Well, there was this girl - Hooker, actually. You know, the old Motel 6 deal. I totally printed that shit! She gave it up for only 50 bucks! Then she got me in all these positions and I must have printed four or five more times! Damn I'm tired from all that action. I'm hitting the sack."
Chris' wife: ***SMACK!!!*** "Get out now! How could you do this to your loving wife and poor little children?"
by Nicholas D July 23, 2007
Get the printmug. The Uzbekistani horse dancer fractured his pelvis in an accident during the limpies, and since then he's had a major case of the limpies.
by Nicholas D July 29, 2021
Get the limpiesmug. "Slow down baby / Let you know from the gate I don't go down lady"
- Fat Joe, "What's Luv"
Ted: "How long have you been living next to this gate?"
Will: "From the gate."
Ted: "So if I asked you where you were from, would you say you're from the gate?"
Will: "Hell yeah, I've been from the gate from the gate."
- Fat Joe, "What's Luv"
Ted: "How long have you been living next to this gate?"
Will: "From the gate."
Ted: "So if I asked you where you were from, would you say you're from the gate?"
Will: "Hell yeah, I've been from the gate from the gate."
by Nicholas D March 18, 2009
Get the from the gatemug. Brandon: "Dude, want to head over to Pat O'Briens and catch the Sox game?"
Mac: "Uh...maybe later. Your sister just put up a new Facebook album full of spring break bikini pics, and she's looking pretty damn good. I'm just gonna hang out here and smack it to that a few times."
Brandon: "What??? Oh no you didn't! The only smacking that's going to happen is me smacking you up!"
Mac: "Uh...maybe later. Your sister just put up a new Facebook album full of spring break bikini pics, and she's looking pretty damn good. I'm just gonna hang out here and smack it to that a few times."
Brandon: "What??? Oh no you didn't! The only smacking that's going to happen is me smacking you up!"
by Nicholas D March 9, 2009
Get the smack itmug.