38 definitions by krakky mckraken
Sub-species of wigger, a white kid from a middle-class suburban family who acts like he hails from the Hood. A Funky Phantom is usually too busy recovering from rollin' with his homies (hence the "funky") to bother coming into work, thus causing problems even though he's usually invisible (hence the "phantom"). Is out of work two days a week and takes half-days the other three. Is all "Yo, keepin' it real" and thinks he's the ultimate babe magnet; whenever he talks to a woman his voice drops to a deep whisper and he practically climbs on them in his efforts to seduce them. Claims he likes people who are brutally honest but basically lives one gigantic lie, fo' shizzle.
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A FUNKY PHANTOM
Funky: Yo, Allison, how's 'bout you and I go 'cross the street to the store and you can shizzle my dizzle bizzle?
Allison: Um, sure, sounds like fun, whatever it means!
Funky: Ya ya, I'm gonna be "keepin' it real" with my ho here for a while, G. You holds down the fort while I do my thang.
Me: Cut the crap, "homey." You ain't a playa, and the only crime you ever committed was stealing an extra Oreo outta the cookie jar when you were ten. AND you've already taken ten "breaks" today.
Funky: Yo, G! Why you gotta be hatin', Dawg? {dropping the act} Uh, my stomach hurts...I gotta go home...see ya tomorrow...
Funky: Yo, Allison, how's 'bout you and I go 'cross the street to the store and you can shizzle my dizzle bizzle?
Allison: Um, sure, sounds like fun, whatever it means!
Funky: Ya ya, I'm gonna be "keepin' it real" with my ho here for a while, G. You holds down the fort while I do my thang.
Me: Cut the crap, "homey." You ain't a playa, and the only crime you ever committed was stealing an extra Oreo outta the cookie jar when you were ten. AND you've already taken ten "breaks" today.
Funky: Yo, G! Why you gotta be hatin', Dawg? {dropping the act} Uh, my stomach hurts...I gotta go home...see ya tomorrow...
by krakky mckraken August 4, 2007
Also, "F.A.P.L.A.W."
Abbreviation: "Fat Ass Psychotic Lazy Ass Windbag."
Short-hand title for the Purplepotamus.
Abbreviation: "Fat Ass Psychotic Lazy Ass Windbag."
Short-hand title for the Purplepotamus.
Purplepotamus: O my gawd! You can't send this letter out like this! I'll get in trouble!
Zeke: This has nothing to do with you!
Purplepotamus: Yes it does!
Zeke: Then if you don't like it, why don't you, oh, I dunno, do your own work?
Purplepotamus: Becawwwwwwse Joel won't let me leave my desk!
(She storms off.)
Zeke: Motherfucking FAPLAW!!!
Zeke: This has nothing to do with you!
Purplepotamus: Yes it does!
Zeke: Then if you don't like it, why don't you, oh, I dunno, do your own work?
Purplepotamus: Becawwwwwwse Joel won't let me leave my desk!
(She storms off.)
Zeke: Motherfucking FAPLAW!!!
by krakky mckraken October 6, 2007
A big fat cunt who can't keep her big snout out of other peoples' business. A distant, more enormous cousin of an Aardvark. (Rhymes with the Sesame Street character Snuffleupagus.)
We never feared running out of supplies, since every Monday morning, before doing any work, the Cuntelupagus sent a delightfully "cheery" e-mail to us letting us know what we had to buy.
by krakky mckraken August 5, 2007
A maneuver usually performed by, but not limited to, a Skape, when traveling down a hallway with other people. Similar in posture to the famous Heisman Trophy, with the exception that instead of clutching a football to the stomach area, the individual performing the Hallway Heisman will grasp the small of their back, in a hunched over position. The Hallway Heisman is mainly used to ward of approaching people, so as not to be bumped into due to a "back injury".
As soon as the Skape saw the Human Resources person coming, she suddenly stopped running and got into a Hallway Heisman position.
by krakky mckraken November 14, 2006
A maneuver usually performed by, but not limited to, a Skape, when traveling down a hallway with other people. Similar in posture to the famous Heisman Trophy, with the exception that instead of clutching a football to the stomach area, the individual performing the Hallway Heisman will grasp the small of their back, in a hunched over position. The Hallway Heisman is mainly used to ward off approaching people, so as not to be bumped into due to a "back injury".
As soon as the Skape saw the Human Resources person coming, she suddenly stopped running and assumed a Hallway Heisman position.
by krakky mckraken November 15, 2006
1) Someone whose ribcage you'd like to tear open with the claw end of a hammer so you can defecate in his chest cavity.
2) Somebody who should have his head nailed to the floor while being sodomized with a cheesecloth-sack full of a thousand angry bees.
2) Somebody who should have his head nailed to the floor while being sodomized with a cheesecloth-sack full of a thousand angry bees.
Zeke: My request for a new chair was rejected because of that sick twisted disturbed fuck. I tell ya, someone ought to force him at gunpoint to face-fuck a wild boar.
by krakky mckraken November 5, 2006
Interjection of choice of the Ding. On a bad day fully 75% of what she has to say will consist of "um."
by krakky mckraken November 5, 2006