An F5 is the category assigned to the most powerful of tornadoes. The "F" refers to "Fujita," Because it's the Fujita scale that's used to measure how violent tornadoes can get. Ratings range from F1 to F5. F1 means a rather weak twister, about 70 to 90 m.p.h., and an F5 is the mother of all dust devils. While F2s, F3s and F4s are also really dangerous (F4s are almost as destructive), they are popcorn farts compared to F5s. If there's an F5 in your vicinity,
A) squat down
B) place your head firmly between your legs
C) kiss your ass goodbye.
That F5 twister lifted my house off its foundation, spat it out in splinters like a projectile vomiting vacuum cleaner, impaled my dog onto the neighbor's weathervane, sucked all the sewage out of the water treatment plant, and now it's raining peanuts, second hand toilet paper, fermenting turds and aborted puppies. But what a hell of a blowjob! WOOOOHOOOO!!!!!!
December 11, 2008