A bumbling little hick town full of evolutionary throwbacks of all creeds and cultures, the only place in the world to develop the H (Hillbilly) chromosome through a combination of constant inbreeding and the fallout that blew in from the chernobyl accident. These H chromosome victims get together in contrived little groups and gossip and talk about subjects totally devoid of any meaning or sense, they just like to vibrate their vocal chords. The are smells like human waste due to their inability and lack of consideration to treat their own sewage, the bumbling yokels would prefer to "sleep where they shit" like pigs. Infested with crackheads, gold diggers, white trash and every other color of trash under the sun, it is a disgusting little pock mark on the planet. It simultaneously burning to the ground and sinking into the ocean would only beautify the surrounding nature, the only tragedy is there would be no more clam bucket, that place is the only place that makes a decent burger.
"Port alberni? Isn't that just another word for incestuous anal rape??"