frank klaune's definitions

islamic Haircut

Humorous euphemism used to explain the (how shall we say this nicely...) ritualistic non-surgical dislocation of the head from the torso. It's becoming a useful term when attempting to relate to the antics of certain deranged individuals in the mideast who are mired in 9th century mentality.

(person 1)"Did you hear about those hostages in Iraq? Can you believe they..."

(person 2 interrupts) "..yeah I heard... they got the islamic Haircut."

(person 1 shaking head in disbelief)"I thought that was the great peaceful religion...."

by Frank Klaune July 8, 2006

bladder buster

(n) Any of the ubiquitous, huge, outrageously obnoxious soft drink containers sold in convenience stores. They get larger each year and before long, some nut will weld a crash-bar to a 55 gallon drum, walk into a Kum-n-Go and expect a 59 cent refill. The bladder buster has gotten so large that no vehicle's cup holder can hold them. When you urinate after drinking one, the fire department's hazmat team is summoned and the EPA files an incident report.

Damn, Frank filled his bladder buster at the truck stop and then we had to stop every 20 minutes of the trip so he could squirt the dirt.

by Frank Klaune February 2, 2005

penito

The smallest designation of penis size / length. Similar to the "schlort", the penito represents a laughably short size of the male anatomy.

"When she got his pants off, she laughed out loud at his small penito."

by Frank Klaune March 5, 2004

glued

Yet another term designating a high level of inebriation (drunkenness).

"Damn, after drinking that fifth with Grotee, Frank was really glued!"

by Frank Klaune March 15, 2004

Blatz splatz

This phrase, related in part to the "blat" (see "blat"), describes the logical aftermath of drinking too much Blatz beer. If one drinks far too much Blatz, the next morning's activities are dominated by the "Blatz splatz" in which bodily fluids are emitted from various orifices in a semi-involuntary spasm. This term is obviously only used in those areas of the country where "Blatz" beer is found. For additional information see "hershey squirts" and "the shits".

Man, Frank brought a few cases of Blatz to the stag party. Damn, the next day let me tell you, I had the Blatz splatz big time!

by Frank Klaune November 21, 2004

mazupas

My favorite term for the female breasts, also known as chesticles, boobies, cans, jugs, headlights, titties and rack.

"Damn, check out the mazupas on our waitress tonight!"

by Frank Klaune March 15, 2004

barney

A small-town, provincial putz of a policeman. The name represents "Barney Fife", the bumbling, inept deputy sherfiff from the "Andy Griffith Show." The typical small-town Barney is a doughnut-chomping fat bastard whose only purpose is to write as many speeding tickets and seat belt "safety" violations to out-of-town licence plated cars as humanly possible. This daily pattern continues until the barney has padded his resume sufficiently to move on to a real job far from the provincial putzville which was his first job for a couple of years. The outrageous pattern of excessive ticket-writing also works in the favor of the inbred, corrupt, fuck-headed town officials who reap an obscene profit from the fine largesse. This, in turn, self justifies the continuance of the salary for the Barney. This pattern is particularly effective in towns which are so ridiculously quiet and small that an actual "law enforcement officer" has no substantive reason to be on the public payroll. The next time you are pulled over in some backward Hooterville for driving 4 MPH over the posted limit, remember where your fine money is going.

Damn, Frank was only going 27 in the 25 zone but the Barney pulled him over anyway!

by Frank Klaune April 25, 2005