Why I distrust all men, cry myself to sleep at night, feel unwelcome in my own home, & would cut my mom slack for anything.
He acts like a nice parent when guests are over, or we're in public, but once we're alone, he's a maniac. A bomb always waiting to blow, he snaps at the slightest provocation. My options are to let him get away with his abuse, or to stand up for myself & get the living crap beaten out of me.
We’ve only not kicked him out of the house because my mom was raised by an abusive father herself, so she doesn't know what it is to be treated right, & because she believes that children don't do well in single-parent households.
Every time I give him another chance, he proves me wise for not having been completely open with him since I was 8 years old.
He has failed at giving me the the sole thing I deserve: Unconditional love. Thanks to him, I've had to stay in the closet my entire life. Even when my heart was bursting at the seams with love for the first time, at the age of 13 years old, I couldn't go to my own father for advice.
Thanks to this thorough incompetence, I've basically had to raise myself.
Cherry on top: My family is wealthy, so whenever I drop even the slightest hint that I'm miserable with them, I get called a spoiled, ungrateful brat. I find this to be ironic - you would think that less fortunate people would understand even better than I do that the impact of material items on happiness pales in comparison to being accepted & loved...
*My mom is deployed overseas, so I'm alone with my dad and brother on Christmas*
Me: "No, Dad. I don't want to talk to Grandma. She says horrible things to me and insults everything I do!"
Dad: "YOU WILL TALK TO HER THIS INSTANT!!!"
Me: "NO. She's a BULLY."
Dad: *hangs up phone and starts yelling profanities in my face, then starts punching me over and over until I'm pinned on the floor, trying to shield my face and genitals as he keeps hitting me*
Me: *later, to my brother, through a split lip and bruised face* "Merry Christmas, huh... let's call Mom on Skype. Maybe we can still have some happiness today..."