On a kids sports team, when kids cry, The Crying Coach is the adult who walks the kid off to the side and stands with them until the crying stops.
John felt embarrassed when he fumbled the kickoff but, after a few minutes with The Crying Coach, he felt better and could return to the game.
When a married couple has been together so long, they look alike, sound alike and dress alike.
Him: “Did you see that couple with the same haircut?”
Her: “Yeah, they almost have the same shirt on, too.”
Him: “They’ve been married so long, they’ve become marital twins.”
The washcloth one uses to clean up following The Deed.
He said, “Wait, don’t wash your face with that. It’s the genital rag.”
She said, “Wow, thanks. That was a close one.”
When you have to clarify more than once to an ex that you are broken up.
Jane: “My old boyfriend keeps calling me."
Jane’s Friend, “Doesn’t he realize you are broken up?”
Jane: “I guess not. I’m going to have to re-breakup with him.”
When a person uses his or her fingers to pull up the cheese that has melted off food onto a platter.
Her: Wow those potato skins were great.
Him: Yeah (He scrapes up the remaining cheese that is melted to the plate where the potato skins used to be.)
Her: Do you have to be such a cheese scavenger?
The oversized T-shirt that a obese person wears at a waterpark or swimming to cover their immense flab. When wet, it adheres to the blubber, defeating the purpose of wearing the shirt.
Her: Did you see the size of the cannonball that guy did?
Him: What guy?
Her: That guy, the one in the blubber shirt.
When someone who is married makes inappropriate comments and/or gestures to a member of the opposite sex which suggest that he/she would like to have an affair.
Jane: “Well, I heard from my overliker again. This time he texted me to tell me I was his Little China Girl.”
Jane’s Friend: “His wife would kill him if she knew about this.”