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19 definitions by c tan

 
1.
Sand niggers have a very bigoted view of their religion. They proclaim that their religion, in contrast to the thousands of differing religions, societies, cults around the world, that Islam is somehow the example of being the most righteous, true, and purified of sin, and therefore, EVERYBODY has to be a worshipper of Islam, or die.

To help mitigate the restless mobs rioting over food, shelter, and medical supplies, they point their fingers at examples of western civilization, countries of Europe or most likely, North America, in order to transfer the blame of why they live in such a bomb-strewn dusty shit-hole on those with more money than them, and get three meals a day.
The sand niggers were angry over the power shortage caused by their own suicide bombers destroying the local power plant, so they took off their shoes and threw them at pictures of President Bush.
by C Tan October 09, 2006
 
2.
A bunch of academic quacks who have substantial abilities in faking their exaggerated reasoning abilities, and resent doing "real work" because they consider it "beneath them".

1. They question, or do not believe in the existence of God, because being an atheist makes them feel rebellious, distinctive, and "smart".

2. They sponge up much needed financial aid that would have been better invested in technical fields like engineering or medical research.

3. They are no valuable use to society. Their theory about the "Ambitions of Man" will not stop the emerging SuperAIDS epidemic from wiping out those who can't afford the state-of-the-art prescriptions. Same goes for SARS and the bird flu.

4. They congregate at StarBucks because without a adequate shot of caffeine, which is what their blood is mostly composed of, their heart rate would slow down and they will literally "freeze" to death.
Pseudointellectuals believe in God and his Son's birth only during the Christmas season, so they can upgrade their cell phone plans and state their own independence from "mainstream" society by buying overpriced shirts from the Abercrombie captioned "Fuck Bush".
by C Tan March 19, 2006
 
3.
You know why those kids went on a killer rampage? Because ever since first grade, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were having their self-esteem being whittled away by their teachers. Some may say their fellow peers and classmates, but for the most part, it is a combination of fear, poor self esteem (or self-hate), and contempt against a system they cannot change or escape from.

Think about it, Eric Harris is 18 years old, and Dylan Klebold is 17 years of age. Exactly how much do they fucking know about the real world? Have they been into college yet, got their own white collar jobs, or gotten married? No! All they experienced was constant put-downs and rejections from their teachers and their inept parents. As for the widely adopted theory that they were social outcasts that got their asses kicked every day, thats just largely a myth perpetuated by the press, same goes for the so called "Harris levels", that were supposed to be simulations of the shootings as DOOM levels.

For my school, I couldn't change classes until 11th grade, and even at that point, only once a semester. Because of this, I was subjected to incompetent teachers all my life. Ms. Santiago, a 80-year old Cuban Wrinkly Witch who hadn't had anyone fuck her for eighty straight years had publicly humiliated each of my classmates and me, and made racist impressions, claimed immunity from legal action because she was part of the council, and can veto can public appeal to have her rotten prune-like ass fired.

Bryan Astrachan, my Driver's Education teacher didn't teach me diddly fucking shit about how to drive, and instead, told us not to do drugs, showed us videos of Red Asphalt, prison documentaries, and the "BAD SIDE" (RUN AWAY!) of doing drugs and consuming even the most miniscule amounts of alcohol. He said the entire class can't do anything else aside from becoming a professional door-greeter for a Walmart Supercenter, and threatened to write up "marks" on my Driver's License and raise my insurance rates if I dared to talk back against him. He bragged personally that he had extended the prison sentence of a person who only bought a car without a license for 25-years to "teach him a lesson". He himself is a 45-year old virgin, is balding already, and gets far far worse in the classroom when he wakes up from his bed with bright yellow pee stains in his pajamas.
Columbine isn't caused by bullying, those kids are too consumed with disillusionment and self-hate to understand what really instigated their murderous rampage since their first days in school.
by C Tan October 28, 2007
 
4.
Tasty looking things, without a proper definite size, usually they can range from narrow and long, to miniscule and round. This gives me the impression that Cheetos are just made from the dough-runoffs of other snack food brands, so the makers can just make some extra money.
Manager: The immigrant workers have been complaining about constantly scooping off the excess dough from the cutouts of our Doritos brand.

CEO: Lets save both them, and me, some time, and money, by allowing the scraps to drop into a deep fryer ingeniously positioned beneath the conveyor belts meant for our less popular lines of snack foods.

Manager: Capital idea! We should call them Cheetos!

CEO: Now go fire all the workers and manual dough handlers!
by C Tan March 05, 2006
 
5.
A high school credit class where you fork over $95 of your parent’s money to be yelled at by a skinny, balding, half-pint, 40-year old Caucasian loser whose only determination is to subdue every helpless senior student in order to redeem his irretrievable dignity. In order to compensate for years of well-deserved torment in his early years, he dangles the prospect of getting behind the wheel of an automobile to keep his pupils pacified.

Never sass at a driver’s ed instructor, remember, that with a switch of a pen, he can taint your criminal record for all eternity, which determines your prospects of successfully getting a job, bank credit, or college opportunities. No matter whatever he eggs you on with, whether it is inconsistent instructions for your homework, or a detraction of points from your driving record, hold it back. An assault charge is not worth sacrificing saving far more than $95 monthly on your insurance bill.
Driver's Ed Teacher: *Snort*, Nyaaah.... now, none of you are doing to make anything of your lives. If you already have a police citation, then you might as well be a ex-con employee slaving away at Wal*Mart because no professional employer with a decent perception of work ethics were to hire you... *snort snort*

I creak the table as clutch my belly holding a hard day's ass gas. He swivels his albino head in an instant shaking his scrawny finger at me...

Driver's Ed Teacher: 2 points off!
by C Tan November 14, 2005
 
6.
Charter Communications Marketing Plan:

1. Find a former-hick community, say, Sparks, Nevada that is rapidly growing technologically.
2. Buy up all the rights to the cable lines within the new housing complexes in construction, and make those cable lines available only to Charter only.
3. When new owners of a home move in, bombard their mailbox with faster internet service ads.
4. Provide the service, seemingly superior in speed and reliability compared to their nonexistent competitors at first, but then after the first week, totally flips out, and has long downtimes and ignorant customer support reps that love to talk back against angry customers.
5. When customer opts out of the service, remind them that they need to pay a $200+ separation fee because their first month is not up, and not even the first 2 years of their contract.
6. When customer REALLY WANTS OUT, then remind him or her that their ass still belongs to Charter, and theres no other alternative except a slower and still just as unreliable ClearWire Wi-Fi broadband in the neighborhood.
7. When customer threatens to sue, Charter pays electric company to cut off all power, except for a few D-Batteries to power a portable TV connected to a portable VHS player, reminding them that they can stop this by switching back.
8. Don't provide them any service anyways, and bill them $4000 a month in retaliation for their lifetimes. Also armed guards patrol the outside of their doors at all times, with rottweilers bred for the taste of human flesh drooling on the windows.
Fucking hell, why did I pay for this Charter Communications contract?
by C Tan October 18, 2007
 
7.
msg
Monosodium Glutamate, the brainchild of a top-secret Oriental-sponsored military project to render white people bald, fat, and impotent for the impending yellow invasion commencing in the 22nd Century.

Adding MSG to common foods found in your local Ranch 99 market was not difficult, since Monosodium Glutamate is practically the only thing in Oriental cuisine ("Chinese food") that tastes good to non-Asians.
Save yourselves and avoid buying products imported from the Far East containing MSG.
by C Tan July 12, 2006