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brett burkhardt's definitions

Cassandra Claim

Named after the Greek prophetess. A way of saying “I told you so” or to remind people not to complain to your ass about shit because you warned them all about the problems you saw coming a mile away.
I filed a Cassandra Claim when you hired his dumb ass so don't start in with me. I told you he was a sticky fingered shifty bastard and you still hired him so it’s your fault that he stole over $9,000 worth of stock.

I’ve got a Cassandra Claim on your boyfriend cheating on you, Beth, because I warned your ass that I saw his car parked in front of the porn store just about every night on my way home from work.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Snowbird Shit

When you have to clean up the mess an old person makes when moving to or from the place where the live during the winter.

Can also be used when cleaning up any other sort of mess a snowbird makes in their migration like a car accident, when they forget what they ordered at a restaurant and then bitch that you brought the wrong thing, or even if their camper catches on fire and burns down half the camp ground. All of this and much more is snowbird shit.
Erik knew he was going to have to clean up a lot of snowbird shit with this bastard. He was demanding all sorts of fees waved because he was too stupid to have his bills forwarded to his winter address.

The traffic on the highway was backed up for miles because some old bitch in a Lincoln is driving down the center line at 7 miles an hour and she just won't pull over. This is some serious snowbird shit right here and if I'm late for work I'm going to scream
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Mrs. Mannerless

An asshole, especially an old asshole, who’s insanely rude to everyone and then bitches and lectures about how no has any manners these days.
“I’ve been on hold for three fucking minutes! In my day, we knew how to say sir and ma’am and not keep people waiting all day for a simple answer, you mongoloid sonofabitch! Now get me to someone who speaks real fucking English...damn Spics...and don’t put me on hold!” said the cranky 90 year old Mrs. Mannerless to a customer service rep.

Mrs. Mannerless felt the need to lecture the cashier on the proper way to greet a customer, ring up items, and bag groceries in a 23 minute long obscenity laden rant which included her spraying thick globs of menthol stinking spit all over register 10 during her more animated moments.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Drag Dowager

An older rich woman who dresses and does her hair and makeup in such a way that she resembles a drag queen.
“Girl, check out that drag dowager in isle three. I half expected to see an Adam’s apple on her.”
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Girls Night Out Shepard

The girl who stays sober and keeps all of her friends together at the bar or a party. Usually the one who will step in and cock block you the second you start getting somewhere.
A girls night out shepard is like a Marine...she won’t leave anyone behind.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Jewelry Junky

Someone who spends all their money on ugly, shitty jewelry and insists on wearing as much of it as possible.
April hated her jewelry junky roommate. You could hear the banging and clicking of her ugly necklaces, bracelets, anklets, and rings every time she moved around the house.

Annie was a pathetic jewelry junky. She’d parade around the office in 10 cheap gold chains and bracelets up to her elbows.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Pregnancy Prevention Patrol

Someone who has to supervise at a camp or hotel to make sure that none of the high school students at an event sneak in and out of rooms to have sex. Also known as PPP.
With the cheerleading camp sandwiched between the football camp and soccer camp, Joel knew he’d be on pregnancy prevention patrol until his replacement came at dawn.

Mrs. Rivera was an expert at pregnancy prevention patrol. It’s like she could hear a hotel room door opening from two floors away and that’s why they always had her go on the band trips.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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