brett burkhardt's definitions

Speaker Phony

Someone who uses a speaker phone to feel like they’re important or doing some sort of important business even thought it’s for something stupid.

Mike hated talking to speaker phony customers. He couldn’t hear half the shit they said and, because they were only ordering pizza, he thought they could just pick up the phone instead of trying to shout at it from half way across the room.

“That guy was such a speaker phony. He called in to talk about his late fee and was 'too busy' to use the regular phone because he was playing x-box 360.”

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Clay Pit

Someone who really needs to clean out before anal but doesn’t.

“Dude, I was so psyched when that chick from the bar said she wanted to do anal but she was a total clay pit and now I need to buy some new sheets.”

Everyone knew that Brent was a clay pit, that’s why they never wanted to fuck him.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Mumblefuck

When the person you're talking to is mumbling and you can't understand a damn thing they're saying. Usually used in situations where they're giving you important information like a reservation number or directions on how to get somewhere.

A typical mumblefuck conversation.
"Can I get your order please?"
"Yeah-um...I'd *mumble*...and then *mumble* large *unknown stammering*"
"I'm sorry, what?"

"Hey, Amy, how do we get to your house from downtown?"
"You'll go down *mumble mumble mumble*...after that you'll take a *mumble* onto 4th *mumble*
"Hold on, Amy, just a sec....Guys, can you shut up for a sec, this is a real mumblefuck conversation and all your talking isn't making this any easier to hear."

by Brett Burkhardt May 12, 2008

Pregnancy Prevention Patrol

Someone who has to supervise at a camp or hotel to make sure that none of the high school students at an event sneak in and out of rooms to have sex. Also known as PPP.

With the cheerleading camp sandwiched between the football camp and soccer camp, Joel knew he’d be on pregnancy prevention patrol until his replacement came at dawn.

Mrs. Rivera was an expert at pregnancy prevention patrol. It’s like she could hear a hotel room door opening from two floors away and that’s why they always had her go on the band trips.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Jewelry Junky

Someone who spends all their money on ugly, shitty jewelry and insists on wearing as much of it as possible.

April hated her jewelry junky roommate. You could hear the banging and clicking of her ugly necklaces, bracelets, anklets, and rings every time she moved around the house.

Annie was a pathetic jewelry junky. She’d parade around the office in 10 cheap gold chains and bracelets up to her elbows.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Purse Pooch

A small annoying dog that annoying girls carry around in their ugly over priced purses.

Kara has a purse pooch that she dresses up in tiny feather boas and tiaras.

“If that purse pooch yips one more damn time I swear to Jesus I’m going to use it to beat her owner to death.”

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Release the Beast

Usually used when fighting or about to fight, in this case it is used when hanging up on a rude or abusive caller. Can be used as a passive aggressive weapon if calls are being monitored or if a manager is nearby and you don't want them to hear you rip said caller a new asshole

If this bitch raises her voice to me again, I'll release the beast and hang up on her ass.

"So then I told her that we don't allow non-service dogs in this hotel and she flipped out on me, calling me a cunt and all this other shit."
"What did you do?"
"I released the beast. I wasn't going to stand there listing to someone scream at me over shit I don't control."

by Brett Burkhardt May 12, 2008