brett burkhardt's definitions

Memo Discrepancy

When someone makes statements about their accounts that are complete lies but, because you can’t say that in the notes or to the customer, you have to call it a memo discrepancy.

“This bitch says called the other day and that she’d gotten some rep to wave her fees but she never called in once. Can I say she’s a lying whore in the memos?”
“No, just say it’s a memo discrepancy and then specify what didn’t match up. Otherwise you’ll get your ass in trouble.”

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Fraudtarded

Committing fraud in such a way as the police will find them in five minutes such as paying your rent, phone bill, or utilities using a stolen credit card.

Paris was shocked that the police figured out she’d been using stolen credit card numbers. Of course, she was fraudtarded because she used those stolen cards to pay her rent and phone bill with them.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Credit Creep

Someone who’s always begging for more credit on an account even though they can’t pay for what they already have.

Ashton was a credit creep who would call all of his credit cards each month to demand a higher credit line even though he never paid them on time.

“Barkeep, I want to open another tab!”
“Go fuck yourself credit creep. You still owe $900 from last month and until you pay it off you will have to pay cash.”

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Whisper War

Using gossip and slander to stir shit up.

Ever since Casey got a raise, Missy has been waging a whisper war about him all over the office.

“If that bitch thinks she’s going to start a whisper war with me I’ll beat her ass after study hall.”

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Toilet Texting

When texting is done on the toilet.

"He sent me 20 texts today which is odd. He hardly ever texts and said he had the runs."
"I think he was toilet texting you."
"Gross!"

by Brett Burkhardt May 12, 2008

Scabies Sanctuary

A piece of furniture or person that is infected with scabies.

“Dude, you gonna help me move up that couch we found out by the dumpster?”
“Nah, that looks like it’s a scabies sanctuary.”

Tara thought that sweet almost chair from the second hand store was a steal. Too bad for her, it was a scabies sanctuary.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Secret Smoker

Someone who decries smoking during the day, but at night loves nothing more than a nice menthol.

Kim was a classic Secret Smoker. She would lecture her kids about the evils of smoking all day but, come 2 am, she would sneak behind the garage and relax with a nice cigarette.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008