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7 definitions by bastardo_bill

 
1.
Hull is a glorious city in the north east of England overlooking the beatiful river Humber.

This of course is probably the biggest outright lie I have ever told in my life. Hull is infact the epicenter of hate and stupidity. The Humber bridge is considered as a marvellous feat of engineering by some. But by most it is either the "Road to Hell", or the "Gateway to Hell".

Hull is a disgustingly dirty grey city. The buildings are ugly, old, and probably made in the 50's and were designed to last 20 years. There is not a single spark of artistic styling to Hull. There are no shops of merit, no restaurants to speak of, and the best place to stay is the no-star Hotel Campanile on the side of a busy A-Road.

But theres a reason to why this city is so ugly and desolate. Theres a reason why the place is such a dump, such a putrid pit of filth. And that's because the inhabitants get what they deserve, they inhabitants of Hull deserve what they get.

Hull is ugly, because if it wasn't, no one there would notice it. There is no artisitic or architectural beauty in the city, because the inhabitants of Hull are so brain numbeningly stupid, they couldn't recognise the Mona Lisa or the Great Pyramids.

The Education System in Hull is the worst in the whole of Britain. This is a fact, every league table says so. The schools may as well be labeled "Degenerate Factory" and sponsored by McDonald's. But who's fault is this? The governments? The teachers? The kids? It's not, the fault lies with the inhabitants, the adults, the parents.

Why would a kid goto school if their parent's don't care? Their parents are so fucking dumb and stupid, they feel that education is unimportant, that theres no need for it, because look at them, they are all successes in their council flats. They don't need education, they shouldn't have to make their kids learn. And so the cycle of stupidity repeats itself. The kids are content to skive and get minimum wage jobs at the bacon factory with their parents. And Hull will forever be stuck in it's backward way.

The city centre, as described before, is quite possibly a tome to shit city creation. There are more shops in the tiny city of York for pete's sake. But what makes it worse, is that because all the kids don't go to school, they hang around the city centre.

We have now sunken to a level of disgustingness and stupidity unique only to Hull. The townies which populate the city are probably the most retarded people alive, only possible of communication by simple phrases and grunting, like "Oi mate! 'Av you got 20 pence for da phone?!" Another favourite of the Hull Townies is "'Eh you stupid Pakkis, fuck off! HAR HAR HAR HAR".

The uneducated masses of Hull have no taste in food, music, clothing. Hence they are officially the most obese city in britain (true). They don't know the meaning of healthy eating, they don't have taste. Healthy eating is McDonald's and Fish and Chips every day of the week, every meal of the day. I mean you get a toy with the Happy Meal, how cool is that. They probably believe that its good for them, because it's the Atkin's or whatever.

The up point to this, is that they will probably die very early from fat disease or whatever it is that fatties die of. You may feel that this is good news, and it does sound good, but you've forgotten that even though a typical Hull teenage girl can't count to 10, she'll probably already have 3 kids and pregnant. So the heart attack death is balanced out with the local radio station, Viking fm, constant adverts telling teenagers to experiment even more with sex.

Hull is the crappest city in Britain, its official, there is a book published on the 50 crappest towns in Britain. I remember flicking through it to show one of my friends my local city of Hull. I'd never seen the book, and began flicking through it to find Hull. I was getting to about number 5 crappest town when i started to think, "what? How can they leave Hull out? This is a travesty of a book!!" But it wasn't a travesty, Hull was number 1 shittest town in britain, the book was redeemed, and my friend laughed.

Hull-ites are proud of the city though. Hopefully after reading this rather verbose definition, you know to dismiss their petty opinions. Theres even a column in the Hull Daily Mail by a woman who claims she's 40, full-on, and 100% Hull. This claim is false, if you were 100% Hull, you could barely write, yet alone write for a paper. But what's true is that she's proud of the city.

But in the end, you have to look around. There is nothing for you to be proud of.
There is no need for a quote or an example. Please just read the definition again, and realise how lucky you are that you do not live in the city of Hull.

Also, i'd appreciate it if you didn't delete this definition. You don't agree with it? Write your own and attack mine with it. But that would be hard wouldn't it, for mine speaks thr truth.
by bastardo_bill February 22, 2005
 
2.
Juggalos are stupid. This is a fact. More exciting facts to come, but now, some background information.

The Insane Clown Posse, are a bunch of men who dress up as clowns. I don't know why, but its probably for some sort of fetishistic act involving more clowns and the whip carrying cicusmaster.

Apparently, they are some sort of rap group. Like every other rap group in the world, they talk themselves up, trying to make themselves as some hard ass motherfuckers outcast messiahs. Do i really have to tell you that, they are not in fact messiahs, and that they are not in fact anywhere near good. In fact, The Insane Clown Posse are one of the biggest bags of shit, not in the music industry, but in the world as a whole.

Rap music is shit. Rap music done by clowns is infinitely worse. And their fans, or Juggalos as they call themselves, like this crap. Hence we have come back to the original statment, Juggalos are stupid. This is a fact.

The only reason Juggalos like ICP is because they think that their image is cool and funky, and that by liking them, it gives them an excuse for being the fat outcast losers they are. This phenomenon, along with the Slipknot goth fans is the most generic and conformist form of teenage rebellion there is. If you're a Juggalo and hence a rebel, why are you all the damn same? Why do you buy your clothing all from one handy pre-packaged subcultue shop?

Listening to more than 3 tracks by ICP in a given day will kill a fully grown man. Hence, even the die hard Juggalators or whatever can't listen to ICP all day. What they've done to fill the time though, is to constantly diss eminem, or femininem as they all him. (Wow, you Jugglies are clever).

Why waste all the time slating eminem? He's shit, we all know that, the world knows that. Yet he's better than ICP, probably because there's only one of him, and he only acts like a clown and doesnt dress as one.

To some up:
ICP are shit.
Juggalos are stupid.
Juggalos probably engage in fetishistic clown orgies with each other.
Eminem is also shit.
But not as shit as ICP, and their fans.
Hey, you going fox hunting today tom?

No, with the labour government looking to ban hunting and the bad press it's received of late, i no longer fox hunt.

So why are you in your hunting gear?

I'm off to hunt Juggalos with my wild dogs. Thats still legal, and always will be.
by bastardo_bill April 11, 2005
 
3.
Apparently, the top definition tells us it means when a girl's ass is hanging out of her pants.

Instead of using normal words to describe this, retarded people from the mean streets of harlem or whatever, decided to use some "urban" funky words. 99% of the slang that exists is fucking stupid, i mean, what the fuck is shizzle my nizzle, for the good of humankind, if you ever hear that phrase mutter, shove your fist at speed into whoever said it's mouth.

This is stupid, bad moon on the rise, is derived from the Creedence song, Bad Moon Rising. Its a phrase used to describe a bad omen, or bad things on the horizon.
When people bastardise normal words for such a stupid phenomenon, i see the Bad Moon on the Rise.

Yeah, shut up with your stupid made up slang, fuckfaces.
by bastardo_bill September 09, 2004
 
4.
Do you know what a Daewoo car is? I'll tell you what they are, they're a big pile of shit.

And I'll tell you why Daewoo cars are crap too. In Japan, making a car is an exercise in science and efficiency, constantly striving for a better car in which ever way possible. The Europeans design cars with passion, whether it be German engineering or Italian flair for design.

However, in Korea, they're viewed as fridges. As anonymous mass produced white goods. There is no passion for the car, they just knock em out fast and cheap. There's no need to design these cars, they'll just go for whatever is cheapest.

That is the reason why Daewoo cars are a bag of bollocks. Everyone in Britain knows this, so what did General Motors do? They rename Daewoo to Chevrolet. Check it out on Google, look for Chevrolet's European site, there's no corvette there unlike the american one, but there is the shitcart that is the Daewoo Matiz. Wait, I mean Chevrolet Matiz.

So apparently, by defiling the name of the trustworthy American car manufacturer, General Motors believes that it'll con us into buying their tripe. Every time a new Chevrolet is sold, a person is conned out of their money for some poor quality Korean merchandise.

And that's why I've written this definition, for anyone who doesn't know. Stay away from Chevrolet cars in Europe, they're fucking shit.
Hey Mike, I just got a new Chevrolet Corvette, it's well nice.

Oh wait, I'm in the UK, so it's just a Corvette, you know, GM had to drop the Chevrolet label on that car so it wouldn't be confused with the turd on wheels cars they sell over here.
by bastardo_bill March 01, 2005
 
5.
The theory states that the quality of the definition given is inversely proportional to the length of the definition.

Thus, the longer the definition, the crapper it is.
Through the theory of general relativity, we can deduce that the top definition is not worth reading.
by bastardo_bill June 08, 2004
 
6.
Do you remember the song Park Life by Blur? Its got this guy talking over it about everyday life. Quite original wasn't it, a breath of fresh air.

What now happens if you take Blur's Park Life and copy it again and again. The Streets is what happens.

Some brummie(?) with his stupid accent talking again and again about buying the paper and the boring lives we lead over crappy garage style beats.

In the perfect world, this sort of man would be shot, or at the very least, beaten with big sticks. However, this is not the perfect world, and instead of receiving a beatdown, critics laud him, instead of shoving a double barrelled shotgun to his face, they shove awards at his face.

This sort of behaviour has to stop. The Streets are the most overrated thing to besiege mankind since Jesus. I'd rather listen to David Dickinson talk about his crazy antiques than The Streets talk about anything, you should too.
You like the Streets because you're stupid, you're stupid and you smell.
by bastardo_bill June 05, 2004
 
7.
Imagine if you will, the boardroom of some major record company. Sat around the main table are many suited men, the suited men of the roll around in money, eat gold for breakfast type.

Suit 1: Oh no, we're not making enough money! Sales growth has slown to only 23%.
Suit 2: Drastic action is needed, or i will not be able to afford to build my solid gold house!!!
Suit 1: OK, What do these kids want?
Suit 3 (head of marketing): Well, they want more of this pseudo-rebellion, punk stuff.
Suit 4: We've got on the last count 12,034 of these bands, and they all sound the same. Why don't we try something new?
Suit 1 discretely presses a silent alarm, guards walk in and drag Suit 4 out of the building. Gunshots are heard outside.
Suit 1: So its settled, we need another band which sounds exactly like every band we have on our books already!
Suit 2: The cloning process has already begun.

And so Something Corporate is born. Offering more generic pseudopunk pop then every other band out there. Pushing out the boundaries of blandness.
The fact that people like Something Corporate means that the Western world has no hope for the future, and that the terrorists have already won.
by bastardo_bill June 05, 2004