1. a declaration made by medical professionals and blowhards
when faced with an illness
they can't decode with a quick once over or basic blood test. This conclusion is often reached once insurance benefits are maxed out, or even more rapidly if the person is uninsured or has an HMO. By assuring the patient that he or she does not actually suffer from the symptoms they visibly see and feel, these doctors
can dispense the coveted diagnosis
before moving on to the next obviously crazy
. This hypochondria declaration also helps distracted doctors maintain something sort of like integrity, because it's not like they didn't know or didn't try, and it's not that insurance companies suck or that it's sometimes hard to pinpoint a cause and treat it -- really, it's just the dirty, dirty patient's fault for being so darn kooky. Very similar to miserable women being perpetually diagnosed with hysteria
back in the day, except no one prescribes vibrators
for treatment anymore.
2. the default response of narcissists
who consider those suffering illness inconvenient.
1. Well, antibiotics didn't work, so we've been thinking it must be all in your head. I'm writing you a prescription
for hypochondria. Pfizer
has been working on a great formula for you. You might have heard of it, since the name is written on this pen I'm using. Now, I've got a tee
time to make...
2. Even since I was diagnosed with hypochondria, the rash melting the skin from the left side of my body has totally cleared. I'm really grateful to my doctor for noticing it was a massive hallucination