Usebleach's definitions

Off Key

Off Key

Off key describes someone who suddenly proclaims that they're going through her menopause.

Jo Bloggs: "Oh hi Sue. How was yr weekend?"
Sue: "I spent it on my menopause. Happy now?"
Jo Bloggs under his breath: " Sue is acting really off key this morning. I better keep out of her way."

by Usebleach May 28, 2022

L.P

L.P stands for Low Profile

E.g.

Daughter to her family via zoom"Whers dad? I can't see him on the screen. Is he keeping L.P?"

by Usebleach December 26, 2021

Go back to Oxford

You say GO BACK TO OXFORD to someone who has a yuppy pad in Central London that they stay in off and on, which is now in Tier 2 or 3 covid-19 zone.

Jo Bloggs friend in London via phone: "Are you coming down to visit me in my pad this weekend Jo?"
Jo Bloggs in Cambridge: "How common!!! Just go back to Oxford."

by Usebleach October 22, 2020

Kicked in Old slag

Kicked in Old slag is someone who ends up down the Womens Centre because the Pigs couldnt be bothered to arrest her Pakistani husband down the mosque before he did her in.

Police on the radio: "Yeah, I'm going to check on the kicked in Old slag at the Womens Centre now."

by Usebleach December 8, 2020

SAME SEX MARRIAGE

A "same sex marriage" is someone who has crows feet and looks like a woman, but doesn't have a menstrual cycle, so is a man.

Doctor: "Did you see any blood coming from between its legs?"
Patients husband: "No. Is my wife a same sex marriage then, Doc?"
Doctor: "Yeah, it looks like yr wifes a man!!! Get off the 321 bus"
Patients husband: "But all she's got is a CO2 emitting car for me to drive"
Doctor: "I'm afraid its no longer within our remit."
Patients Husband: "But what about the environment?"

by Usebleach August 3, 2020