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2 definitions by Tony Prescott

 
1.
A man who has wood and does things with it. Carpenters use their tools for such purposes as screwing, drilling, and reaming. Rubbing and sawing away at old logs are also common activities. Nailing, while definitely an important part of carpentry, is not nearly as good as screwing. Carpenters also often get glue all over their wood.
While carpentry is an important and serious subject - after all, without it, we wouldn't have such things as chairs, desks, tables and doors - the terminology of carpentry is fraught with opportunities to make crass sexual innuendos.
Carpenters themselves, of which I am one, exploit these opportunities whenever possible.
Jesus was a famous carpenter, but all the jokes were removed by po-faced editors when he wrote The Bible.
Drilling, screwing, nailing, reaming, rubbing - all things done by a carpenter.
by Tony Prescott September 29, 2006
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2.
The Lizards are a strange type of creature, claimed by some to be a human/alien crossbreed, or possibly some kind of "shape-shifter" who occupy important positions in the power structure of many Western countries.
George Bush and the British Royal family are the notorious examples, but in fact most newsreaders and "public authority" figures are also lizards. Although they look superficially human, they can be spotted by their strange, cold eyes and mechanical way of gesturing.
They can be male or female, and typically promote policies or ideas that are totally at odds with any kind of ethical behaviour.
Whether or not they actually are shapeshifting aliens is open to debate, but they certainly display enough reptilian behaviour to merit the nickname. I personally believe that they began life as full humans, but as they ascend the power structure they are somehow corrupted or altered into being lizards.
The Sky News anchor people on British TV are certainly lizards, as are many of the BBC team.
Other prominent lizards in Britain are Tony Blair, John Reid, and many high ranking mambers of the political elite.
Victoria Beckham, and many of the "celebrity elite" are also quite clearly lizards.
As well as lizards, there are a large number of individuals who may be called "slugs". The "slugs" tend to be fatter and have more obvious tendencies towards personal greed and gluttony. They are physically heavier-built than the lizards and less adept at concealing their avarice.
John Prescott, the deputy UK Prime Minister, is a slug, as is Charles Clarke.
While much has been written concerning the "lizards" far less has been said about the "slugs". The slugs are typified by a heavy build and jowly appearance; although their policies and mentality seem closely allied with that of the lizards.
Next time you watch the news, keep an eye out for the reptilian attributes of the presenters and politicians.
Many people have claimed that powerful figures in our governments and ruling classes are lizards. Some claim that these lizards are 4th-dimensional beings who have controlled us for thousands of years. Whether this is true or not, there are a great many lizards in government and on television.
by Tony Prescott September 28, 2006
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