The Colonel's definitions

Defcon

Stands for "defecation condition" - a play off of the government acronym for "defense condition". Refers to the varying, and usually scaling, levels of severity relating to an impending bowel movement. The direction of the sliding scale varies from user to user, but typical usage labels Defcon 1 as the least urgent, and Defcon 5 as an imminent expulsion (the opposite of the defense department's usage).

Dude, I was at Defcon 5 and nearly shit my pants. Luckily we drove by a Carl's Jr. and I was able to drop a load.

by The Colonel July 18, 2003

klugle

The jamming of one's thumb into the deck of a surfboard - caused by extremely hard surf wax being applied to the board on a cold morning and then catching on the existing wax.

Dude, it was so cold this morning that I got the worst klugle when I was waxing my board. I almost bent my fingernail back.

by The Colonel July 18, 2003

ufobia

Fear of being abducted, or coming in contact with a hostile UFO.

The Colonel interviewed his subjects searching for ufobia in each of their eyes.

by The Colonel July 22, 2015

rig

To have relations (of a sexual nature) with a woman.

Dude, see that hot blonde chick? I rigged her last night.

by The Colonel July 18, 2003

clag

Unidentifiable substance, usually of a secreted, bodily fluid type nature. Australian version of "shmegma".

Dude, I've gotta change my shirt...I just noticed that there's clag all over it.

by The Colonel July 18, 2003

sponge

A boogie board - a soft, spongey flotation device used to ride waves on one's belly.

Look at all the little kids on sponges out in the water.

by The Colonel July 18, 2003

Crinkle Cones

Saline breast implants. Refers to creases in the saline bags which you can actually see on the surface of a woman's breast. Usually seen when a woman is bending over or in any non-vertical position - you'll see lines or creases running along the sides of the breasts (imagine a zip-lock sandwich baggie filled with water). Typically seen as a sign of a low budget breast augmentation procedure, as well as the inferior nature of saline breast implants when compared to silcone.

Dude, that chick at the beach was pretty hot but she had full on crinkle cones.

by The Colonel November 10, 2005