High school kids who generally excel at many unimportant things; from sports, to their studies, to being douchebags. They usually have a perfect upbringing and are in relationships with the kind of girls us lesser beings could only dream of. Poverty, homelessness, and problems are just some of the things these people will never experience.
Me: Fuck man, I can't believe that popular kid is dating Natasha O., he doesn't even deserve her. He treats her like shit and cheats on her, too. I wish I was with her, I'd run my fingers through her hair and tell her how beautiful she is on a daily basis. We would even make a contractual agreement to be with one another when we reincarnate the life after this.
My friend: Yeah man, totally. What a douche. Who the fuck drives a Honda Civic and thinks it's cool? He should get a real car, like a Corvette ZR1. He could afford it anyway. All these popular kids make my head hurt with their stupidity.
A car that outperforms other vehicles that cost twice as much, and is on par with vehicles that cost four times as much.
Chris: Oh shit, was that a GT-R that just rolled by?
Terry: I think so, but to be honest, I'm still not sure what "GT-R" even stands for. Garbage To Ride, perhaps?
Chris: Holy fuck, dude, forget the GT-R, is that a Corvette ZR1?!
Terry: My God, it is! I'm fairly certain that my penis just exploded due to the fact that the capillaires in my penis were engorged with far too much blood. This must have been onset by that Corvette ZR1 that just rolled by.
An alternative to porn when men want to masturbate.
Joe: Hey Bob, you wanna go drinking at the bar tonight?
Bob: Nah, there's always a huge traffic jam up there every Friday. I think I'm gonna stay home and masturbate.
Joe: If I am at the liberty of asking, to whom or what will you be pleasuring yourself to this evening?
Bob: I don't know, I'm getting bored of the same old stuff.
Joe: What about Jessica Alba? She really gets my balls brewing!
Bob: Great idea! She's also been falsely regarded as the "sexiest woman alive" for quite some time now. Sexiest woman in the fucking Known Universe is more like it!
Joe: Fuck yeah! Now go fap off to that shit!
Bob: I will!
John: Did you see that chick that just walked by? What a babe, I would chop off my legs and arms just to have the opportunity to eat her shit.
Jay: Yeah, she's a total Jessica Alba.
The act of developing a fake surface crush on somebody of the opposite sex, usually because you're too much of a pussy to actually speak to them. This is usually attributed to the large loner community. Due to their inability to make the approach and introduce themselves, these people resort to "watching" their crush from afar, daydreaming about them, etc. This usually leads to heavy depression once they're struck with the realization that they will never get to be with this person. However, it should be noted that the ecstasy these people feel upon visualizing their crush for the first few weeks is far more exciting than one could ever imagine. After the depression stage, the loner learns to accept his fate like he has done so many times in the past.
Me: Man, that girl is so fuckin' pretty. I'd love to take her out on a date and pamper her with flowers, chocolates and stuff. Plus, I'm a Scorpio and she's a Cancer. Don't you think we would get along just great?
My friend: Uh, yeah, sure. Why don't you just go talk to her dude?
Me: Fuck that shit. Are you nuts? I'll just stalk her around the halls at school and creep her Facebook for years. I'll daydream about our whacky adventures together and stare at her whenever I get the chance. We have never even spoken before, but just by looking at her, I can tell that she is the one that I went to spend the rest of my life with. I love her so much.
My friend: You fucking whacko, you. You and your damned puppy love.
J. Percy Page High School is a high school located in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. The "J" has been presumed to stand for jail. The teaching staff mostly consists of (but not limited to) racists, communists, and pricks. Two of the most common occurrences include being cut in front of at the line in the cafeteria by kids much cooler than you, and/or holding open a double-door for some chick who will just end up using the other door, ignoring you, because she's just way too hot for your courteous gestures. The majority of the students at this school are morons who can't stop talking about weed, partying, and shitty Import cars.
Attending J. Percy Page High School was the absolute worst decision I had ever made in my entire life. Most of my time was spent coupled with kids in remedial classes because the teachers there had failed to realize that I did not belong there, but that I was just lazy. I would spend my days sitting at the back of the room, all by myself, completely alone, listening to people talk about shit that made me want to stick my entire fucking body in an industrial meatgrinder. My bouts of happiness would come from excusing myself to use the washroom, just so I could rub one out, or, roaming the halls in between classes trying to make meaningful eye contact with some other lost soul who could feel my pain, and swallow my gargantuan load. Oh, and just incase you were wondering, I never did find that person. With the exception of the always awesome Mr. Mitchell (best teacher in the Known Universe nominee for sure) who was always kind to a skinny, brown and overly tall weirdo such as myself, everyone who has, is or will step foot in this place is a complete asswipe. Even after having left this place two years ago, I still feel an urgency to let the Universe know my story. Whether you read this five months from now, five years from now, or even five hundred years from now, whatever you do, do NOT go to J. Percy Page High School.
As stated above, it is out there, and not here. Did you really expect to find the "truth" on Urban Dictionary? Scram already.
As I stare into the stars late at night, I can say with the utmost certainty that someone or something is staring back. The truth is out there my friends, and it will no longer elude you and I.