1. The act of having turtle sex, hillbilly style.
2. A sexual position with the male crouching and the woman laying face down under a coffee table with her waist lifted slightly off the ground, while the man holds a wiffle ball bat used to whack the woman over the head whenever she pops it out from the opposite side of the table.
"Man, she was ugly as shit but I was fresh out of bags, so we just had hillbilly turtle sex instead. It's the best kind of hate sex, too! It turns out a wiffle ball bat leaves no marks. She won't admit it after the fact, but I know she liked it."