Sir Bartholomew McTavish's definitions

cockonuts

1:) Not just insane but cock-o-nuts insane.

2:) Dick & balls euphemism.

3:) Jim's granny from American Pie 3.

HERMAPHRODITE #1: Dude, why do you have that Sony Playstation 3 up your ass?
DUDE: Because I like it.
HERMAPHRODITE #1:Dude, you're not just insane, you're cockonuts.
DUDE: Thanks.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish February 17, 2009

mingsane

The exact word to describe the level of non sanity of Ming the Merciless from the Flash Gordon universe.

Why any hero would be named after an all purpose cleaner is beyond me.

After Ming was impaled on Flash's ship in the 1980s movie of the same name, as Flash.

Dale: You just impaled him with that spaceship!

Flash: Yeah, I know. I kick ass don't I?

Dale: That Ming was mad.

Flash: Yeah, you could say he was 'Mingsane'

Dale: Oh Flash, you're so funny.

Flash: I know. Shall we make out and laugh at Brian Blessed's pants?

Dale: Oh yes please, then I'd like to recieve your seed, on top of that spiky spinning platform thing where that dude's eyes popped out.

Flash: Yeah. I'm great aren't I? I play football.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish February 17, 2009

Weird Al Spankovich

Euphemistic. Same as 'Shake Hands with Tommy Tank' or 'Making Love to Madame Palm and Her Five Lovely Daughters' or even 'I'm Going to do a Barclays'

SON: Don't come in Mum, I'm trying to meet Weird Al Spankovich.

MUM: Are you fucking wanking in that bathroom again?

SON: Maybe. (Ughhhhhgggh.)

MUM: Well hurry the fuck up, I need to shit as well and your Dad's downstairs fucking your sister in the other toilet.

SON: What?

MUM: What?

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish February 17, 2009

dicebag

to fit an non specified amount of Call of Cthulhu Dice into one's foreskin.

Towhit, bringing a fully loaded pink dicebag to a D & D session.

Katherine: Hey, Jimmy?

Jimmy: Yeah?

Katherine: I couldn't help but notice that you have placed seven multifaceted number shapes into your foreskin. Explain.

Jimmy:Well you women have got Velvet Goldmines and us men have dicebags. This is mine. Revel in my splendor,bitch.

Katherine: Twat. (Walks away to go spend his money online.)

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish May 29, 2008

crosstitute

A ho that hasn't recieved her dough

Look at that famous TV hooker Oprah always going on about how poor people are cool when she has billions of bucks tucked away herself. I bet if she didn't get paid she be a mean crosstitute.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish June 21, 2008

Dicktaphone

To put your dick to the telephone speaker when talking to a ladyfriend when she is boring the arse off you about babies or flowers or something else that's all girlyfied.

Dicktaphone is when on the phone to Ann Coulter and she's banging on about politics or crap etc. and you realise you're her husband as your cock falls out of your pants into the reciever.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish August 12, 2008

spunk tackle

The tackle you spunk with. Testicles and Penis. Cock and Balls. Twig and Gigggle Berries. Meat and Two Veg. Strawberry Shaft and Vanilla Scoops. Testicle (Pronounced testiclay) & Poking Rod...etc...

PETER: Andy, what's the matter?
ANDY: My wife kicked me in me spunk tackle.
PETER: Dannielle? Whatever for?
ANDY: Coz I said she was a stupid fat fucking minge muncher who was worse in bed that her comatose Mother.

(Brief moment of silence then a hefty High-Five.)

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 16, 2008