Sir Bartholomew McTavish's definitions

Fartinate

That strange feeling when having an abnormally lengthy piddle when from nowhere a torrent of farts emanate from the anus.

Max: When I was having a slash a minute ago I'm sure I fartinated. Have you ever done that?
TERRENCE: Only when whizzing on your Mum
MAX: WHAT?!
TERRENCE: Nothing. got any pies?

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 3, 2008

bottom bollocks

Where a fit young girl has top bollocks, an older chesticularly gravity afflicted lady will have bottom bollocks.

1:)
Ricky: Bianca, can I touch your bottom bollocks?
Bianca: What are you trying to say? 'Ave I got saggy tits or sumfing?
Ricky: Well,I'd be lying if I said no, but they're still really nice and...OWW...wotchoo 'it me for you daft facking woman.

2:)
Lindsay Lohan, in 30 years.
Catherine Zeta, in 15 years.
Ellen Degeneres, now.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish January 1, 2009

fuckmas

What Disney and all other "child" orientated businesses are doing to us at Christmas. Wishing us a 'Merry Fuckmas, you've just paid us £40 for a piece of shit, you stupid fucking moron. You keep this economy going and you buy our crap?'

At Eurodisney
DAD: Go say hi to Mickey son,
SON: Okay Dad. Hiya Mickey, we thought you were great in Steamboat Willy
MICKEY MOUSE COSTUME MAN:Fuck you kid, give me your watch, cash and toys. (punches kid in face and signs Dad's car in own feaces.) Merry Fuckmas assholes.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 29, 2008

boil foiled

when a lady's or gentleman's underpant region become increasingly bothered, horny, moist, or brought to the boil a situation comes up which negates or foils the sensation.

A hard on boil that becomes foiled.

1: Watching late night TV for a bit of self loving when a picture of Karen Matthews, Cilla Black or Jade Goody comes on and your 'rock' becomes a 'flop'

2: When a lady is watching late night TV in the hopes that a bit of twisted gaymensex comes on and instead find nothing but Karen Matthews, Cilla Black and Jade Goody lezzing out.

3: Wanking over Britney when you realise you're her Dad.Boil Foiled.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 11, 2008

OlgaBolger

Any stocky Austrian,German or Scottish women who should be right heffers but are so physically shaggable that she makes bits of all men bulge to near ejaculating proportions

Mike: Did you see that sixfoot, blonde, German babe from accounting?
Dave: Olga? Yeah, I think she could benchpress a truck.
Mike: Yeah, but she is quite fit.
Dave: She's over there now! Look at those nuggs.
Mike: I've just cum.
Dave: Me too.I've got an OlgaBolger in my grits too.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 11, 2008

dreast

A breast that's dressed.

ie: A boob still in its Bouncy Rigid Alembic (B.R.A.)

A 'dreast' can be spotted in the first thirty seconds of any adult man-milk producing video production.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish August 20, 2009

crosstitute

A ho that hasn't recieved her dough

Look at that famous TV hooker Oprah always going on about how poor people are cool when she has billions of bucks tucked away herself. I bet if she didn't get paid she be a mean crosstitute.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish June 21, 2008