Sir Bartholomew McTavish's definitions

bapjizm

The act of baptising a girlfriend, wife, fuck buddy (daughter's?) breast or "baps" region with god's sticky nectar.

PATRICK:I say, did you hear that Tom Baker and Lalla Ward were married in the early 1980s?

SPONGEBOB: No. Bet she got a few bapjizm s off that ex monk ex Time Lord kick ass old dude, who's still on Little Britain.

PATRICK: Sphincter.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish July 25, 2009

Weird Al Spankovich

Euphemistic. Same as 'Shake Hands with Tommy Tank' or 'Making Love to Madame Palm and Her Five Lovely Daughters' or even 'I'm Going to do a Barclays'

SON: Don't come in Mum, I'm trying to meet Weird Al Spankovich.

MUM: Are you fucking wanking in that bathroom again?

SON: Maybe. (Ughhhhhgggh.)

MUM: Well hurry the fuck up, I need to shit as well and your Dad's downstairs fucking your sister in the other toilet.

SON: What?

MUM: What?

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish February 17, 2009

Fissedasapartman

Some drunken idiot who thinks he's a superhero and tries to wrestle the dustbins outside his own house.
A true 'Fissedasapartman' is identified as a man who loses the fight to his bins and or wakes up next to his bins,
covered in catshit and in the nip with a banana wedged in his butt cheeks. (Put there by kind-meaning neighbours.)

1)A Fissedasapartman is any male/semi-male from any city / town / hovel North,South,East or West, out on the town around four in the morning to be found trying to chat up a cigarette machine and pulling said device.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish January 1, 2008

stronghold

To grasp something abnormally tight until it either explodes, turns blue,contains thins, is crushed or sues. Sometimes all four.
This is how all blind girls should hold their boyfriend's cocks whilst furiously trying to brush a spider off it, that he is damn sure is there.

1. Stifler was caught in a Lesbian Stronghold in Am Pie 2
2. The way Peter Parker has to hold his cock to do wee wees in that red wetsuit movie trilogy.
3. A place where hidden things are usually found.

SON: Dad, i;ve noticed that you have no testicles. explain.
DAD: They're in your Mother's Stronghold son.
SON: Her Handbag Dad?
DAD: Yup.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 2, 2007

Christmarse

That time of year when you just can't be arsed to do anything or can't be arsed to bother with Christmas. It's about the same time all the shops cash in off December 25th by starting their X-Mas sales in Mid July and which don't end until the end of February.

Enid: Cyril, are you going to put up the decorations? It's only four days until the birthday of our Lord?

Cyril: I can't be Christmarsed.

Enid: Oh go on, I'll let you fondle my new hip?

Cyril: Fuck off you slag.I should've married your sister. At least she swallowed.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 21, 2008

boredinary

Simple straightforward definition.Ordinary is boring. Break the mould, go for the burn, stand out from the crowd, ignore the sheep. Don't become uniform, don't be boredinary.

Man#1: You listen to that new audiobook?
Man#2: Audio what? What the shit?
Man#1: It's a book on CD
Man#2: What the fuck is a book?
Man#1: Pages,bound together,left-to-right reading. You can learn things.
Man#2: You are so boring.Books?You gay?
Man#1: No, you are boredinary, you slave to the system. Stand out man, make yourself unique. Burn your pants! Wank off a chicken or something!
Man#2: Go fuck a horse.
Man#1: Already did, it was your Mother.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 16, 2008

dreast

A breast that's dressed.

ie: A boob still in its Bouncy Rigid Alembic (B.R.A.)

A 'dreast' can be spotted in the first thirty seconds of any adult man-milk producing video production.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish August 20, 2009