Sir Bartholomew McTavish's definitions

Christmarse

That time of year when you just can't be arsed to do anything or can't be arsed to bother with Christmas. It's about the same time all the shops cash in off December 25th by starting their X-Mas sales in Mid July and which don't end until the end of February.

Enid: Cyril, are you going to put up the decorations? It's only four days until the birthday of our Lord?

Cyril: I can't be Christmarsed.

Enid: Oh go on, I'll let you fondle my new hip?

Cyril: Fuck off you slag.I should've married your sister. At least she swallowed.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 21, 2008

cuntstard

1. A person who is a bastard and a cunt. Or a mixture of both.

2. Misspelt custard.

ELSIE: Any of you guys reckon that new guy at works a cuntstard?
MILLIE: Yeah, who is he?
ELSIE: My husband, oh and you're fired bitch.


FRANK: Hey did you try Lisa's cuntstard?
DEREK: That's my wife, you fuck! (Hits him.)

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 19, 2008

Fartinate

That strange feeling when having an abnormally lengthy piddle when from nowhere a torrent of farts emanate from the anus.

Max: When I was having a slash a minute ago I'm sure I fartinated. Have you ever done that?
TERRENCE: Only when whizzing on your Mum
MAX: WHAT?!
TERRENCE: Nothing. got any pies?

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 3, 2008

bottom bollocks

Where a fit young girl has top bollocks, an older chesticularly gravity afflicted lady will have bottom bollocks.

1:)
Ricky: Bianca, can I touch your bottom bollocks?
Bianca: What are you trying to say? 'Ave I got saggy tits or sumfing?
Ricky: Well,I'd be lying if I said no, but they're still really nice and...OWW...wotchoo 'it me for you daft facking woman.

2:)
Lindsay Lohan, in 30 years.
Catherine Zeta, in 15 years.
Ellen Degeneres, now.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish January 1, 2009

Ewan McFucker

Ewan McGreggor's character name from 'Angels and Demons' as opposed to the term Camerlengo, which although is Italian for 'Chamberlain', also happens to sound like a euphamism for someone's cock.

The character of Camerlengo Ewan McFucker will be played by none other than gay-icon Welsh actor, (trying to be Scottish) Ewan McGreggor, or as he's known to the whole universe, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish September 21, 2009

wangelina

To gain a wang-on while watching her in any of her nude happy films. Gia, Womb Raider, actually what else is she in?

Man#1: You see that new Tomb Raider flick?
Man#2: You mean the one with Wangelina
Man#1: High Five! (They high five.) Yeah..!

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 9, 2008

baazing

When something really cool happens and no other words/phrases say it as well as.
Sometimes other words such as snap, wizard, awesome and boomshakalaka will do when baazing has been used too many times whilst watching Ladies Wimbledon or any fantastic lesbian threeway porno.

PATRICK: Sebastien, see that girl there by the photocopier?

SEBASTIEN: Yeah,that's Mark from Accounting's teenaged sister, I've heard she's harder to lay than a sixty foot Ostritch Egg.

PATRICK: Well I had some of that last night in the back of my Mazda.

SEBASTIEN: Baazing!

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish March 4, 2008