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Sir Bartholomew McTavish's definitions

Doctor Poo

Popular euphemism for 'I'm going to go do Doctor Poo.'
Other meanings of Doctor Poo are as follows,
Dropping the kids off at the pool
Shaking hands with Tom Titt
Choking a dark demon
Doing Ertha Kitt
My arse was just sick
Talking to god on the porcelain telephone
and the best one...
emailing your boss's letterbox with a dirty attachment.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 20, 2008
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fuckmas

What Disney and all other "child" orientated businesses are doing to us at Christmas. Wishing us a 'Merry Fuckmas, you've just paid us £40 for a piece of shit, you stupid fucking moron. You keep this economy going and you buy our crap?'
At Eurodisney
DAD: Go say hi to Mickey son,
SON: Okay Dad. Hiya Mickey, we thought you were great in Steamboat Willy
MICKEY MOUSE COSTUME MAN:Fuck you kid, give me your watch, cash and toys. (punches kid in face and signs Dad's car in own feaces.) Merry Fuckmas assholes.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 29, 2008
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boil foiled

when a lady's or gentleman's underpant region become increasingly bothered, horny, moist, or brought to the boil a situation comes up which negates or foils the sensation.

A hard on boil that becomes foiled.
1: Watching late night TV for a bit of self loving when a picture of Karen Matthews, Cilla Black or Jade Goody comes on and your 'rock' becomes a 'flop'

2: When a lady is watching late night TV in the hopes that a bit of twisted gaymensex comes on and instead find nothing but Karen Matthews, Cilla Black and Jade Goody lezzing out.

3: Wanking over Britney when you realise you're her Dad.Boil Foiled.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 11, 2008
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Christmarse

That time of year when you just can't be arsed to do anything or can't be arsed to bother with Christmas. It's about the same time all the shops cash in off December 25th by starting their X-Mas sales in Mid July and which don't end until the end of February.
Enid: Cyril, are you going to put up the decorations? It's only four days until the birthday of our Lord?

Cyril: I can't be Christmarsed.

Enid: Oh go on, I'll let you fondle my new hip?

Cyril: Fuck off you slag.I should've married your sister. At least she swallowed.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 21, 2008
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crosstitute

A ho that hasn't recieved her dough
Look at that famous TV hooker Oprah always going on about how poor people are cool when she has billions of bucks tucked away herself. I bet if she didn't get paid she be a mean crosstitute.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish June 21, 2008
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dreast

A breast that's dressed.

ie: A boob still in its Bouncy Rigid Alembic (B.R.A.)
A 'dreast' can be spotted in the first thirty seconds of any adult man-milk producing video production.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish August 20, 2009
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cuntstard

1. A person who is a bastard and a cunt. Or a mixture of both.

2. Misspelt custard.
ELSIE: Any of you guys reckon that new guy at works a cuntstard?
MILLIE: Yeah, who is he?
ELSIE: My husband, oh and you're fired bitch.


FRANK: Hey did you try Lisa's cuntstard?
DEREK: That's my wife, you fuck! (Hits him.)
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 19, 2008
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