1. The entity responsible
for reporting to the scene of possible exposure to Knic
after a review by the Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention (CDC).
Animal Control's duty is to quarantine
and cremate anyone exposed to Knic
and to burn and/or chemically disinfect any environs
(vehicles, buildings, bodies of water, other outdoor environments) that
may have been exposed
Furthermore Animal Control
is to quarantine the Knic
, burn its clothing, run its body through a chipper/shredder, and then feed the remains into a kiln (which will later
be shipped to a third world country), whose temperature shall
not be less
than 1,000 degrees Celsius.
1. "You know what really
happened in Roswell, New Mexico in 1947? A freakin' Knic
crashed there when his flying dinner saucer ran out of salad! Animal
Control burned the hell out of that place! It was a forest before they started, but now it's a freakin' desert! Some damn weather balloon
and swamp gas!"
Control has had to exterminate many underground conspiracy theory groups in the United States
and foreign countries. Such groups have had contact with Knic
in an attempt to save
it. Groups exterminated
so far include the Knic
Liberation Front (KLF), Give Knic
(GKC), Somalians United for Care of the Knic
(SUCK) and the Extreme
Fundamentalists for the Proliferation of Knic
Related Materials (EFPKKR). Groups currently suspected of exposure include
but are not limited
for California Governor (KCG), the Sierra Club and the governments of Mexico, Canada, France, Iran, Pakistan, Libya, Egypt, Morocco, Sudan, Syria, Luxembourg and Saudi Arabia.