31 definitions by Scotty Nice
When a man is able to achieve his three greatest pleasures in one sitting by reading a Stephen King novel, playing online cribbage and having your butthole filled with man mayo.
I was talking to my buddy and learned he loves three things - reading Stephen King novels, playing cribbage and getting butt fucked. He then proceeded to tell me for some reason that after he got home one night and his family was out of town, he picked up and started to read Christine by Stephen King, played online cribbage and then had a male prostitute given him a prostate exam with his erect wiener. He succeeded in getting Christine's cum filled Cribbage. Wild stuff.
by Scotty Nice October 18, 2023
When you take your family to the magical world of Disney and spend five days in scorching ball dripping heat, getting run over by heifers in electric scooters and spending more than half your salary on Mickey shaped treats while getting in two rides a day and all you come away with is a hat with a picture of that mother fucker on the front.
My husband was so angry when we were finally leaving Disney that to commemorate the financial destruction we had just gone though he decided to buy one last thing, Mickey’s hat of despair. I’m not sure we will ever recover.
by Scotty Nice June 16, 2023
When a man, even though he had a vasectomy, has to pull out in order not to leave his wife dripping for the next 12 hours and she doesn’t want it on her gut. The husband must take an old white undershirt and “tuck it” under her ass, creating a canvas for his man juice.
Fucking Trudie man. I got a vasectomy and she still won’t let me bust up in her puss. I have to use the t shirt tuck so I don’t get it on or in her.
by Scotty Nice October 26, 2019
When your partner doesn’t want to have sex, so when they turn around or roll over, you jerk off all over their back.
by Scotty Nice September 11, 2019
When your wife is in the shower and you want a quickie, but don’t want to get wet. You open the shower door and she shimmies backwards to the opening, allowing you to do your deed without getting drenched.
Yesterday Trudie was in the shower and I was already dressed, so I called open door policy and got it from behind without getting wet.
by Scotty Nice December 11, 2019
When you get shitfaced with your girl and stop at IHOP and have breakfast before going home, then you have wild hot sex and when she orgasms her bowels release a fiery mess of anus oil all over the bedsheets.
Oh man, Trudie and I went to IHOP last night after getting shitfaced. We got home and I thought everything was fine but then she unleashed a Rooty tooty fresh and doody. She passed out and I had to clean it up, so we broke up
by Scotty Nice January 15, 2020
As a firefighter you respond to an scene where a Polish man who speaks no English is pointing toward his backside indicating pain. The 14 year old girl next door speaks English and translates for you.
Excuse me, 14 year old girl. Can you tell us what he’s saying? In broken English she responds, “He says he has a pencil stuck up his bum.” Ah, a polish pencil push, never get tired of seeing this.
by Scotty Nice January 15, 2021