A serious medical condition afflicting many teachers and professors. Symptoms of teacher PMS typically include spontaneous temper tantrums, employment of draconian disciplinary tactics, taking points off because you forgot to double space, and the like. Experts believe teacher PMS is caused by the belief amongst teachers that their jobs are widely superior to all others, and that they have attained a level of moral superiority unimaginable by mere mortals by taking on such important responsibilities despite the typically meager compensation, and as such, they are deeply offended when students are smart enough to sleep through an entire lecture and still score 100% on every test and assignment. Teacher PMS sufferers often use their authority to carry out long-harbored grudges against students who remind them of the football players who beat the shit out of them in gradeschool and high school.
Man, I totally got 100% on every test in my 100 level Philosophy class, but Dr. Archibald-Stubblefield gave me a C because I would always text on my iPhone during class. I tried to appeal it, but he said "Son, your toys have no place in a sanctuary of knowledge." He really needs to see a doctor about his teacher PMS...
An individual who routinely confuses the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence when arguing about political matters.
Fred: America is totally a Christian nation! I mean, the Constitution talks about our "Creator", after all!
Jack: You're thinking of the Declaration of Independence, you Consti-douchebag.
An individual who is remarkably bad at smoking weed. The mari-wannabe will often request to smoke repeatedly, and then say "I'm good" after a single hit. Mari-wannabes will sometimes pretend to have the munchies after smoking and eat large quantities of food in front of the television just for show. Mari-wannabes are widely believed to be incredibly unpleasant in the event they actually do get high, and often blurt gibberish or freak out uncontrollably, requiring that they then be babysat by their non-mari-wannabe acquaintances for a number of hours. Mari-wannabes typically do not take up smoking until about senior year of high school, after everyone else they know has, and often talk about smoking weed far more often than they actually partake in it. They generally end up getting arrested because they were driving 10 miles per hour in a 30 zone because they were afraid of accidentally speeding with their bowl in the car with them.
Jack: Hey man, let's smoke, should I invite Frank?
Ryan: Naw man, I realized last weekend, after he took one hit of regs and passed out on my couch for the next 24 hours that Frank's just a mari-wannabe.