1 definition by Opie Cunningham
Nearly every person located in and around Hollywood, California that:
a. possesses a SAG card.
b. receives free designer apparel and accessories and requires bodyguard service for red-carpet events.
c. works press junkets for cinematic excrement with $50 million budgets.
d. requests to be a guest on The Oprah Winfrey Show every time they donate money to charity.
e. shoots poison into their faces in a futile attempt to fight the aging process.
f. wears hokey t-shirts declaring their support for a Presidential candidate, when it really is a private issue that shouldn't be gratuitously advertised like a Superbowl ad.
g. Awkwardly waxes-political during "Access Hollywood" interviews, rather than just promoting the latest cash hemorrhage some studio financed.
h. never misses a massage.
i. never misses a photo op.
j. never misses the Vanity Fair Oscar party.
k. never contributes a dime to the myriad plights many Americans are suffering (i.e. Hurricane Katrina victims are STILL displaced, some American kid is aging out of the Foster system as I type this, teachers are some of the hardest-working, underpaid people in this country), but goes out of their way to adopt foreign kids, raise awareness about genocide in Darfur or hire an illegal alien to clean their 7,000 sq. ft. Los Feliz home.
Rare exceptions: Chris Rock.
a. possesses a SAG card.
b. receives free designer apparel and accessories and requires bodyguard service for red-carpet events.
c. works press junkets for cinematic excrement with $50 million budgets.
d. requests to be a guest on The Oprah Winfrey Show every time they donate money to charity.
e. shoots poison into their faces in a futile attempt to fight the aging process.
f. wears hokey t-shirts declaring their support for a Presidential candidate, when it really is a private issue that shouldn't be gratuitously advertised like a Superbowl ad.
g. Awkwardly waxes-political during "Access Hollywood" interviews, rather than just promoting the latest cash hemorrhage some studio financed.
h. never misses a massage.
i. never misses a photo op.
j. never misses the Vanity Fair Oscar party.
k. never contributes a dime to the myriad plights many Americans are suffering (i.e. Hurricane Katrina victims are STILL displaced, some American kid is aging out of the Foster system as I type this, teachers are some of the hardest-working, underpaid people in this country), but goes out of their way to adopt foreign kids, raise awareness about genocide in Darfur or hire an illegal alien to clean their 7,000 sq. ft. Los Feliz home.
Rare exceptions: Chris Rock.
"It sure would be nice if those trend-whoring liberals in Hollywood would just shut the hell up and leave political debates to the people who can manage a declarative sentence without using the words 'like,' 'totally,' and 'um.'"
by Opie Cunningham October 24, 2008