3 definitions by Offenso

Top Definition
Truly one of the most pointless wars ever fought. This is largely in part due to the Americans claiming the impressment of American sailors into the Royal Navy as their main reason to go to war. Thanks to the communications of the period, it would be months before Americans learned the British Parliament had voted to cease Impressment a day prior to the invocation of the declaration of war.

When the treaty of Ghent was signed at the end of 1814, all conquered land was returned to its previous owner, a declaration of status-quo. This meant that the British would be returned the far south of Upper Canada, while the Americans would be returned Fort Niagara, New York, the northern half of the state of Maine, the Northwest Territories, and Fort Astoria (in modern day Oregon).

Although the Americans won no territory immediately after the conflict, for many years the British would cede territory to them, and the threat of the northwest Indians had ended.

According to British documents, officially 1600 British soldiers died in battle. According to American documents, officially 2200 Americans died in combat. However, the militia fighting for both sides had a tendency to keep poor records, the indians known to keep none oncesoever, so combat deaths are likely higher. Moreover, the American military, after a string of disasters early in the war, often delibrately under-reported it's losses, while inconsistences in British dispatches and regimental accounts of casualties may offer a similar result. Furthermore, losses from exposure and disease ran high, formost in the American military. It is estimated that at any given time, 33% of British troops would be unavailable for action due to sickness, while 50% of American soldiers could be expected to be unable to fight.

All in all, the war's greatest results were a sense of patriotism in both the Canadians and Americans, and the final screwing over of the northwest indian peoples.
Teacher: "Who won the War of 1812?"
Student: "Not the Indian peoples."

Bob: "The American army fought bravely during the War of 1812"
Ray: "Too bad they were largely lead by incompetent louts until 1814."
by Offenso August 10, 2005
Fought October 26th, 1813, between the American forces under the command of Genl. Hampton and an entirely Canadian force under the command of Charles de Salaberry.

De Salaberry divided his force of 1500 Canadian regulars, militia and indians, between 5 lines of defence, constructed out of wood, known as Abatis. Using the river to cover his left flank, and the forest to cover his right, de Salaberry awaited the inivitable American attack. As an added precaution, he also destroyed the bridges leading to the defenses, which would make it impossible for the American Artillery to join in battle later.

The Americans were aware of his position, and made plans to flank it. One brigade, with 1500 soldiers, crossed the Chateauguay river and proceeded through the wilderness without a road or usefull guide. It wound up spending the entire night on the march.

When the fighting commenced, the Americans engaging the first abatis were unable to scatter its defenders (although a skirmish line before the defenses withdrew at the opening of the battle). Meanwhile the other brigade across the river found itself assailed by two companies of Canadian militia, and under fire from more soldiers across the river.

Despite being horribly outnumbered, (out of a force of 1500, only about 320 actually participated in the fighting), the Canadians convinced the Americans that they, in fact, were the ones outnumbered. Using the force's trumpets, the Americans were made to believe more soldiers were advancing unseen through the woods.

This, plus the Canadians' feisty defense, compelled Hampton to withdraw his army. In the process, he also abandoned the bridade which had crossed the river the previous day, forcing them to construct a bridge to escape later.

In a rather embarrassing event, a number of American officers were seen asking for assistance to cross the river, having abandoned their troops in the woods. These officers were ignored.

After the battle, Hampton revealed that his force had taken some 50 casualties. Other estimates probe far higher, but the Canadians themselves offer the best guess at America's loss, documenting that they buried more than 40 American dead. Canadian losses were officially 2 dead, 17 wounded, and a number missing. However, other documents place dead ranging from 4-5, wounded from 17-22, and up to 5 missing.

According to legend, the Canadians who formed the skirmish line before the abatis, camouflaged themselves with cloaks woven from fallen red maple leaves.
kid: "What's the battle of Chateauguay?"
guy: "A disaster for the Americans; a forgotten triumph for Canadians."
by Offenso August 10, 2005
A system used to define the standing of an individual based upon the use of "your mom," "face," or anything to stiffle intelligent dialogue or debate. Those who indulge in said saying frequent the bottom of the food chain. Invented by Markus.
Markus: I like shoes.
Sean: me too
Jarvys: your face likes shoes.
David: Down in the food chain

1. Jarvys
-drops to-
7. Jarvys
by Offenso June 29, 2006

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