Mr. Asshole's definitions

Matt Bauer

Brother of the popular character Jack Bauer from the series 24. Assumed dead, Matt Bauer is an assasin working for "Chapter", a U.S. "black-ops" program. Matt Bauer has killed 140 men, and he enjoyed every single kill. Matt prides himself on killing his targets in varying creative ways such as: using a pizza cutter to slash victims throat, focing subject to consume an entire bottle of Dave's Insanity Hot Sauce.

Unlike Jack Bauer's classic line" Damn, there's no time!",
Matt also has a signature line:"Damn, I'm hungry."

Agent A - Sir, Matt Bauer just killed 10 innocent people inside a McDonalds because they forgot to put ketchup in his bag.

Agent B - No ketchup? Those bastards!!!

by Mr. Asshole August 24, 2006

Limp Jizzkit

The state of a cock that has just been ridden the shit out of.

Holy shit man, she fucked me so hard I had a Limp Jizzkit for days.

by Mr. Asshole August 8, 2006

Fo Job

Derived from a common practice among German prostitutes. The customer pays for and expects to get a blow job. The whore goes down and rubs his dick on her face/neck and gives an occasional tug on the ol'tube-steak, but they never actually perform the blow job. Afterward, they not only take your money, but they say it'll be double for a real blowjob. Those blooding fucking German cunt ass whores!!!

Person 1- Check it, I hooked up with this tall nice German hooker. The bitch gave me a Fo Job!!

Person 2- What? Are you fo real? A fuck'n Fo Job?!!

Person 1- Sheeeeeeeet! I I was so fuck'n pissed, I bitch slapped that nazi hooka!

by Mr. Asshole August 24, 2006

ebay bitch

One who rides Microsoft Excel all day. Taking bad pictures in poor lighting and writing up bullshit descriptions of stuff your boss wants put upon eBay.

"Hey Alex, Paul wants 40 things up on eBay today."

"Well ok I'll just re-use 50 things these deadbeat auction winners never paid for"

"You truly are, a lazy eBay bitch, Alex."

by Mr. Asshole January 27, 2007

Baltimore Bathtub

When a storm drain in the city of Baltimore swells up during a heavy rain fall. The contents of the storm drain wells up to the top to reveal the varying grotesqueries of Baltimorron street scum, such as: used condoms, beer bottled, urine, feces, jizz, dead rats, roaches, dead cats, dead seals from the national aquarium, loose head hair, McDonalds soda cups, dead human bodies, etc....the list goes on, and on and .....

Dude 1- Hey, I was walking to the subway staion when I stepped into a Baltimore Bathtub. I pushed on a few feet past it, but was overcome by the odor and vomitted all over myself.

Dude 2- Don't worry man, no one will notice on the metro. You'll fit in with all the other dirty scum bags.

by Mr. Asshole August 24, 2006

show-n-tell

When scumbags who ride the Baltimore MTA decide to show off their hardward; exchanging guns in an attempt to intimidate the other passengers. The participants will often eye-up the other passengers while smiling and sneering at them with the occasional, "what the fuck you look'n at motherfucker"

I was so scared after show-n-tell, that I had to go piss behind the woods in the parking lot after I got of the train.

by Mr. Asshole March 23, 2007

Fudgems

Fudgems is the mascot for Dominos Pizza' newest promotional offer. 10 oven baked brownie squares with the purchase of any large pizza at the regular menu price. Fudgems resembles a furry cube of feces with arms and legs. There are no disernable eyes, ears, nose, or sexual organs. This lack of sensory organs has led scientists to believe that Fudgems was genetically engineered by Dominos Pizza Corp. and thus violating several U.S. Genetics Laws. The Surgeon General also warns that although not verified, it is possible that the oven baked brownie squares are the solid waste matter produced by Fudgems.

Mmm mmm, I love that Fudgems. Too bad I get the shits every time I eat them.

by Mr. Asshole August 24, 2006