Monkey's Dad's definitions

A Head of Esteem

In facing a challenging goal, the confidence that you are good enough to do it.

She'd give it a shot, but first she needed to work up a head of esteem.

by Monkey's Dad October 5, 2022

Psychitis

A variant of psychosis. An episode of psychic inflammation. A brief if intense appearance of being totally off-the-wall psychotic.

His face reddened, his eyes and neck tendons bulging, he screamed into her astonished face, "Don't call me psychotic! Because that makes me crazy. I'm just psychitic! It's psychitis! Look it up in Urban Dictionary!"

by Monkey's Dad September 23, 2022

NewJersification

To take an immaculately beautiful woman and, through blind applications of high-contrast streaks, razor-straight bangs, sharp 45-degree layered angles - acrylic 'fingernails' which soon cover only half the actual nail and look like what exactly? - pounds of makeup, all of which have zero to do with the real woman, her proportions, natural coloration or her perfect, essential beauty, and have everything to do with a state-wide communal aesthetic, n' toin huh intuh a nudduh cookie cuttuh Joisy Goil.

Underneath it all was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen or would ever see. Beautiful beyond words. All that had to be done was to simply reverse the NewJersification to which she had , stunningly, submitted .

by Monkey's Dad April 1, 2023

Official Wokesperson

The face of an institution, corporation, etc , whose job it is to stand before the press and convey an image of irreproachable political correctness.

"Here at Enlightenment Worldwide, LLC, there is not one single straight, white, male on our staff", said the Official Wokesperson, who indeed seemed oddly indeterminate as to gender and ethnicity. "Further, I apologize for my English, as it is not my first language but my seventh."

by Monkey's Dad March 6, 2020

cat's cradle

The delusional gesture of separating the hands, bringing them together again, manipulating yarn, which Donald Trump continually plays while speaking. A game beloved of little girls everywhere.

Debating Biden, Trump revealed his inner life by continually playing cat's cradle.

by Monkey's Dad October 23, 2020

cyberoticism

An aura of sexuality conveyed through the Internet. Sexually arousing online communication.

They were both working from home, like everyone, but he looked forward to her joining his Zoom meetings. She was clearly on her bed, not wearing much, and every time she spoke there was a jolt of cyberoticism, which, in isolation, he so deeply craved.

by Monkey's Dad April 4, 2020

shelter-in-place-ionship

A strenuous test of a couple's compatibility.

Forbidden to leave the house, they had shared every meal, slept, worked, read, watched videos and exercised side-by-side, hour after hour, every night and day for a very long time, and yet they were actually having a good time. She felt that if they survived this shelter-in-place-ionship they could survive anything.

by Monkey's Dad March 27, 2020