Monkey's Dad's definitions
A book about the author's own life, which very slightly embellishes the truth, as far and as often as possible.
Deciding that her mother was the renegade Ninth Duchess of Waterford, her father a famous and notoriously dissolute rock star, her conception occurring at midnight on the Concord as all around them were asleep, she began her projected ten-volume sortabiography.
by Monkey's Dad February 28, 2020
Get the Sortabiography mug.The self-description of any person who cannot understand the separation of Church and State upon which the United States is constitutionally constructed. A person who does not understand that the United States is equally founded on the guarantee of freedom of religion for all people. A person such as... say... Marjorie Taylor Greene? Yup.
"We need to be the party of nationalism and I'm a Christian Nationalist, and I say it proudly," said Marjorie Taylor Greene, once again demonstrating her intellectual capabilities. Her self-avowal follows her claim that Christian nationalism will solve school shootings and "sexual immorality" in America.
by Monkey's Dad July 28, 2022
Get the Christian Nationalist mug.Seeing him walking out of the theater holding hands with another woman?! Three days! after he had broken up with her?! Telling her he wasn't ready for a relationship??!! She smiled at him and said a quiet hello, cursing him ferociously under her breath, hoping he could not see how damnbivalent she was.
by Monkey's Dad March 21, 2020
Get the damnbivalent mug.by Monkey's Dad November 9, 2019
Get the Decimated mug.A gender-revealing punctuation mark! Used frequently, often in multiples and almost exclusively by females!!! (Men, in contrast, end a sentence with a single piece of punctuation, usually a period or question mark.)
The female attraction to this piece of punctuation is probably entirely unconscious. The mark - ! - is a clear pictogram of a woman's 'private parts', a vertical orifice above a circular one.
Using it to end almost any string of words is a statement of the sender's sexuality, conveying a subliminal ; "Look what I possess!!!"!!!!!
The female attraction to this piece of punctuation is probably entirely unconscious. The mark - ! - is a clear pictogram of a woman's 'private parts', a vertical orifice above a circular one.
Using it to end almost any string of words is a statement of the sender's sexuality, conveying a subliminal ; "Look what I possess!!!"!!!!!
The detective suspected that the note - "Back soon! I'm shopping for fancy soap and scented candles!" - with its mystifying sexclamation point !!!, could possibly have been written by a woman.
by Monkey's Dad September 2, 2019
Get the Sexclamation point !!! mug.The number of days it took the United States to add one million cases of Covid-19 to its total. 99 for the first million, 43 for the second, 28 for the third, 14 days for the fourth million, the fruits of heedlessly 're-opening'.
He stared at the numbers. 99-43-28-14. Not a football play. Not the combination to a safe. It was the exponential, viral spread of the disease. He understood that they could reasonably expect the next million cases to accrue in a week.
by Monkey's Dad July 22, 2020
Get the 99-43-28-14 mug.A person who lies awake worrying about all the maladies, disorders and syndromes they may have, present and future.
The messages flooded in at bedtime, from her brother, her cousin - who was a doctor, mind you - studies and statistics forwarded by so many well-intentioned friends, warning of sicknesses which awaited her, if she didn't already have symptoms, which she suddenly realized she probably did have, recommendations for pills, and more pills, changes in diet, which, omg, she vowed to try, promising another sleepless night as a hypoinsomnichondriac.
by Monkey's Dad April 19, 2020
Get the hypoinsomnichondriac mug.