Monkey's Dad's definitions

Don't touch yourself

Not the eternal 'you'll-burn-in-hell' admonition from parents, nuns and priests received by millions of adolescents. Now, it's your face that is the forbidden body part.

Quietly closing the door behind her, stripping off her gloves, sliding out of her mask, she kept repeating "Don't touch yourself" although she desperately craved the feel of her own fingers.

by Monkey's Dad May 15, 2020

complain't

A complaint that isn't.

An actor's lament that while he could recently walk the streets unnoticed, fans now come up to him for selfies.

Her complain't that men looked desirously upon her when she entered a room would, in a few years time, become a genuine complaint that no one looked anymore.

by Monkey's Dad April 4, 2020

uncertain future

The truth, or illusion, that we cannot know what will happen next.

She felt the weight of her uncertain future, more than ever, unable to predict or imagine the world which awaited.

by Monkey's Dad May 12, 2020

isopropyl alcoholism

Addiction to hand sanitizing, a common pandemic disorder.

He sanitized his hands after touching any item, even if it had been sitting undisturbed on his desk for years. 'You can never be too careful', he said aloud, every few minutes, in denial of his isopropyl alcoholism.

by Monkey's Dad April 25, 2020

conspiracy theory

Literally - the idea of people breathing together.

Con=together. Spire=breathe.

She didn't want a respirator, didn't want to expire. Her inspiration was that once the pandemic passed she might breathe with other people, her conspiracy theory, and it filled her with hope.

by Monkey's Dad April 27, 2020

masturetribution

To lie beside a sleeping partner who has refused sex, and silently bring oneself to climax.

In a defiant act of masturetribution she gave herself a dozen orgasms, listening to him sleep, feeling it served him right for giving her the cold shoulder all week.

by Monkey's Dad March 12, 2020

vaccillation

Uncertainty about the value and wisdom of getting a vaccination.

Most people she knew were getting it, but she'd heard one story of a child being paralyzed for life, and she was in a state of vaccillation about whether to allow the immunization for her daughter.

by Monkey's Dad April 11, 2020