Monkey's Dad's definitions

appandectomy

The surgical removal of all traces and knowledge of a pandemic, allowing the patient to move freely about, without mask, without distancing, without concern for the safety of others.

That guy walking right up to you, coughing and passing you by an inch? He's had an appandectomy, with nothing left for him to worry about, except the tilt of his 'make America great again' hat.

by Monkey's Dad July 29, 2020

congrenegation

Forbidden gathering of ten or more people.

Laws of congrenegation went into effect, in an effort to slow the spread of the virus.

by Monkey's Dad March 22, 2020

Bedside Volcano

A growing yet indecipherable mound, composed of unmatched socks, sweaters, underwear, pillows, books, catalogs, unopened mail, empty bottles, reading glasses, chargers, clean and dirty towels, exercise paraphernalia, countless and nameless other things, many forgotten yet long-sought, the entirety overtaking the room, cascading, poised to erupt.

"Have you seen my phone?"
"Have you checked the bedside volcano?"
"Which one??"
"Good question."

by Monkey's Dad February 25, 2023

theatricoretical

An old-fashioned idea that a newly-released film would play in 'theaters' - places where people once congregated to experience laughter, joy, tears and fear together.

The movie's production budget had been huge, its theatrical release now only theatricoretical. It would be seen in the privacy and safety of people's homes, earning pennies on the dollar.

by Monkey's Dad March 22, 2020

hookup

A quaint social custom of the early 21st century in which two strangers agreed to occupy the same room for a period of time. Presently unthinkable.

She could almost remember the last time she had been touched, it was a hookup, when she and the world were innocent and a stranger could be seen as an okay thing, not a possible death sentence.

by Monkey's Dad March 19, 2020

isolassitude

Lack of energy and mental fatigue from being alone.

After months of working from home, going nowhere and seeing no one, barely caring to get dressed, he felt crushing isolassitude.

by Monkey's Dad May 1, 2020

Last Woman on Earth

Effectively, the woman any man happens to be with, under lockdown, for the duration of the coronaviral era.

"You have complaints? Please, feel free to find someone else, because right now I may as well be the last woman on earth."

by Monkey's Dad March 30, 2020