1 definition by Lady Tremaine

Top Definition
Vampires are real, unlike ghosts, fairies and werewolves, who clearly cannot exist under the laws of physics.

Vampires are as real as the chair you're sitting in. They do not sleep in coffins during the day, because as they are members of the human race, they are not nocturnal and the sun does not kill them. Often times, however, vampires are sensitive to the sun. They have to squint quite a bit unless they have sunglasses, and they may get sunburned much faster than other humans due to their pale complexions.

The vampires do not all necessarily drink blood, and none need blood to survive. The ones who do drink the red liquid probably only drink small amounts given to them by their lover. In that case the blood is seen as a binding gift that lovers exchange as a promise to one another.

There are some vampires that do drink the blood of small animals frequently, but those people are truly deranged and are at risk of getting rabies and other nasty diseases, so I wouldn't emulate them if I were you.

Psychic vampires are the most common, however about 50% of psychic vampires do not even realize that they are sucking the life out of everyone around them. They are so used to being negative or taking their feelings out on others that they cannot comprehend the negative effects their tirades may have on those around them. Some psychic vampires, however, take from their victims intentionally. They get a sense of happiness and well being when they make others around them feel worse. Perhaps you know someone like that? There are many of those types creeping around.

The majority of vampires tend to be romantic and sensitive, but of course there are exceptions as always. Many are artists, musicians, writers; or "right-brained" thinkers. Real vampires tend to enjoy all forms of literature and media that deal with fictional vampires, because they are reading about their own kind. Even though some ideas in books and movies are a little far-fetched, vampires give the artists/writers a bit of slack because stories do have to be entertaining, after all.

Vampires can be somewhat 'Goth' or 'punk'; basically they are not very preppy, as preppy people are usually too happy, tan, logical or "left-brained" to be bothered by things of the underground. Vamps are not always depressed as some people may think, however it is true that they are not afraid to let their emotional side shine through and have a good cry every now and then, or every day if that suits their fancy (I myself am one to cry quite a bit, yet anyone would argue that I am a very happy, upbeat person).

If you truly believe you are a vampire, you should seek help at the 1-800-IAM-VAMP 24 hour hotline, where a qualified vampire counselor will be on hand to help you cope with your newfound identity.

I'm only kidding.
But you will know what you are when the time comes. Being a vampire is nothing to be ashamed of, so embrace it if you are one, and accept the vampires for what they are if you find yourself utterly normal.

Good day, ladies and gents.
I am a vampire, so you'd better believe it.
by Lady Tremaine July 10, 2008

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