I can't take credit for this one I read it in an English comic book Raz or something but I thought I should share.
Bill:See that guy?
Bill:Well I know he's a crafty butcher.
Ted:How's that go?
Bill:He likes his meat around the back.
Ted:Oh, He's lish?
Bill:C'mon, you didn't know?
The type of guy who jerks himself off and nuts in his own eye like a beee-yach.
That guy, you know, the one who tried to eat his underwear to beat the breathalyzer, he was a real spung - bungler. Fucker got off though.
When people get confused before they sneeze and they get two or sometimes more thick runny trails of snot dangling from their nostrils and hanging off their faces.
The look they give you is priceless.
I heard him sneeze and I turned around to see him standing stock-still looking up at me with bogey bungees hanging from his face. Gross right in the middle of dinner.