One who sit's inside all day and scopes young children from their window of choice. Usually uses binoculars, at times a telescope if necessary. A total douchebag that usually has an inverted penis. He is also predestined for lifelong virginity. A Fat, Irish Drunk, With hilarious stories about almost dying, getting wasted, and a creepy little girl that haunts his house. YOUNG MARINE!!!! A mysterious creature that can neither shower nor speak proper english. Even though it lacks the male genatailia the Mike is some how able to masturbate during math classes. This creature is often seen wearing a red coat, sadly it is only able to shed this coat every 4-5 years. It is often wondered how the Mike will carry on offspring as no female would ever mate with it. The Mike's obsession with childrens games such as Pokemon suggests it will become a child molester in its adulthood. and acts like a dip shit dinosaur
Mike: Shut up, i'm stalking this hot chick.
Nick: She's 6 years old.