-Providence Theory states that there is nothing in Rhode
Island that is better than anything in Massachusetts. Rhode
Island was created in 1765 when
Jonathan Williams, a prominent cartographer, sneezed while drawing Massachusetts. The most persuading data to back up the Boston
-Providence Theory is as follows:
> Providence. Boston
has better people, bars, beer
, accents, businesses, neighborhoods, rivers and schools.
2. Harvard > Brown. Brown is the illegitimate
step-child of the Ivy League. Harvard is the best college in the country.
3. Cape Cod > Newport. Newport is tiny and as aside from a very nice
section near the water, is an appalling ghetto. Cape Cod's gorgeous beaches and dunes are world famous.
Bulger > Buddy
Cianci got caught. Whitey
spawned an Academy Award winning film.
> Pawtucket. Because
if we're talking ghettos, Roxbury
will fuck you up.
6. Dunkin' Donuts > Dell's. Dell's is a lemonade stand
on steroids. Dunkin' Donuts is a purveyor of the finest
coffee in New England.
7. Red Sox > Providence Bruins. Have you even heard of the Providence Bruins? Their big brother plays
. The Red Sox are a New England institution
8. Children's > Hasbro. When
your kid's got an earache, you go to Hasbro. He comes home
with the flu. When
your kid has cancer, you go to Children's. He comes home
9. Sam Adams > Narragansett Brewery. Sam Adams is an internationally acclaimed, ass-kicking beer
. Narragansett beer
is simply Narragansett Bay sludge colored to look like beer
Guy 1: I don't really feel safe living in Providence.
Guy 2: Well according to the Boston-Providence Theory
you abandon that
hell-hole and move to paradise.
Guy 1: Good call. What part of Boston should I move to?
"After seeing the light, Max found
the Red Sox, left Pawtucket and settled in Back Bay."