8 definitions by Jaq LeMur

Top Definition
While not being out and out retarded, the omnitard has a way of making everything (s)he does seem retarded.
Man, Joe is such an omnitard. Every time he comes over, he licks the walls, but only the red ones.
#retard #ubertard #moron #idiot #doofus
by Jaq LeMur October 09, 2008
noun: The person usually relied upon to achieve what amounts to a miracle when given impossible circumstances. This person is often found in a workplace, is underpaid and overworked, and usually ends up going postal. Also referred to as a 'discount miracle worker'.
Boss: "Jimmy, I need you to compile the last 3 years of P&L statements for the board meeting in 30 minutes."
Jimmy: "Right! What do I look like, some Snake Oil Jesus?"
Boss: "I knew I could count on you to come through. See you in 30!"
Jimmy: *sigh*
#jesus #snake oil #miracle #miracles #work #workplace
by Jaq LeMur November 16, 2008
exclamation of surprise or despair.
"Zyrp! You scared the hell outta me by jumping out of my sock drawer!"

OR

"When this bomb goes off, we're all dead."
"Zyrp!"
#exclaim #exclamation #surprise #despair #slang
by Jaq LeMur November 16, 2008
(n) also known as sperm, but usually that spent as a result of masturbation.
He plays with himself until his evolution juice is all over his jeans.
#sperm #splooge #spunk #jacksauce #come #cum #manspackle #baby batter #ejaculation
by Jaq LeMur October 23, 2008
(n)An idiot of special recognition. Sometimes spelled jaqlemur.
Did you see that jacklemur? He was trying to fornicate with that tree!

or

Dude, did you just stick your face in the deep fryer? You are such a jacklemur!
#lemur #idiot #stupid #moron #jaqlemur
by Jaq LeMur October 23, 2008
(n) A person in your life who claim to be friends, but they only contact you when they need a favor, at which point they leverage the "friendship".
John: So, Dave called me the other day. Said he needed my help moving...again.
Amy: Yeah? Are you going to?
John: Naw, he never does anything for me, he's such a fakequaintance.
#charlatan #deceiver #fabricator #fraud #impersonator #impostor #liar #mountebank #phony #pretender
by Jaq LeMur February 10, 2013
(n.) The result when mother nature drops a crapload of snow in a short time just under the freezing point so everything is semi-slush within the first few hours. (snow+diarrhea=snowarrhea)
No sir, this was no snowpocalypse or snowmageddon, it was worse...there's so much wet snow its like a snowarrhea!
#snow #snowstorm #snowmaggedon #snowpocalypse #winter storm #storm #blizzard #snow shower
by Jaq LeMur February 09, 2010
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