JEUNT's definitions

one upmanshit

A phenomenon that occasionally occurs in social gatherings that devolve into a nostalgia-fest conversation about fecal incidents such as soiling underwear, quality bowel movement and/or alcohol fueled defecating incidents. Inevitably, the conversation becomes a string of awful fish-stories about large bowel movements and creative placement and/or uses of them. The conversation becomes more and more repugnant at a exponential pace. Ultimately, the least attractive person of the coversation wins with the most horrifically grotesque story about his or her colon meat.

"...Last week, at Joe's bachelor party, Eric told us this story about crapping his pants on the way home from work that week. For some reason, the stripper decided she should become part of the conversation and told a story about how she once deuced through her g-string thereby cutting the turd in two. Eric rebutted by regaling us with a tale of a boat trip where he made some starboard diarrhea or something like that. That touched off about an hour of one upmanshit where each had one less appetizing story after the next...."

by JEUNT November 21, 2009

turdstile

The anus. It is also know as the butthole, fecal dispenser, cigar cutter, the moist, poop chute, crap cooker, colon, fartbox, shit lips, sphincter, ol' crusty, etc.

Dude, I have to pass a loaf so bad that I can hear it. If I don't get to the toilet soon it will slide past the turdstile.

by JEUNT December 4, 2010

chindex

A measure of obesity based on the number of chins on a person. It is quoted as a "chindex of..." or "chindex factor of" followed by a number. A single chin (chindex of 1) generally reflects a lack of obesity. A second chin (chindex factor of 2) suggests the individual is overweight. Chindices, the plural of chindex, that are greater than 2 indicate that the individual is a fat mess. A chindex of 0 suggests the individual lacks a jaw, probably from a medical condition or horrific incident. If you have a chindex of 0, you have a fucked-up lookin' face.

Q: Hey, did you hook up with that chick last night? She looked hot but I was pretty liquored up.

A: No, dude you must have been really fucked up. She was gastric-bypass big...she had a chindex of 5.

by JEUNT June 9, 2010

Cutting a Cigar

1> The act of defecating

2> Poopin'

3> Taking a dump

4> Donating a loaf to John's Charity

5> Shitting

6> Baking a Cake

7> Backing up the truck

Man on toilet: "YO!!! You should fuckin' knock before you barge into the bathroom! I'm cutting a cigar in here!"

Man barging in bathroon: Sorry dude

by JEUNT August 16, 2011