Democrat Friends: When you are drinking and need to get home they take your keys, block your car in, and call the cops if you leave.
Republican Friends: Charge you 20 for a ride home and tell you leave if you dont pay.
Real Friends: Follow you home, help you figure out the best way to get home with minimum cop exposure, drive you home to get your spare key, help beat the democrat's ass for taking your keys, and will run from the cops with you if they attempt to pull you over while never ratting anyone out if they get caught.
Cop: Alright sir, who was driving the vehicle...who was the person who got away on foot. You are going down for this if you don't tell me now!
Real Friends: Mr. Policeman, it was your fatass MOMMA!