An obsession with
the lives of others, combined with
an extreme inferiority complex, resulting in a mental disorder
that requires the sufferer (the Oneupman
) to constantly feel the need
to prove his or her self to anyone
who will pay attention.
The boasts and claims of the Oneupman
are actually a cry for help from an unconfident
person who believes they are great simply for completing ordinary tasks faster than anyone
else, possessing a higher number
items than anyone
else, or for doing anything a higher number
of times than anyone
else. Sadly, the Oneupman
is still stuck
at the 'my dad is stronger than
yours' stage of mental development.
never chooses a specialized activity to compete with
, since they have very little special
knowledge and simple 'accomplishments' appeal
most, such as driving faster than
you, eating more than
you, and guessing
how a movie ends before
it ends. It should be noted that being the best is not the focus, the Oneupman
is only interested in being better than
YOU. They need
others to compete with
and prove themselves against, since they can't feel good unless someone feels bad.
Tellingly, the Oneupman
will only compete with
people they know, since competing with
strangers whose skills they aren't familiar with
may expose their weakness, which
is the greatest fear of the Oneupman
"Ok, in order to survive, we must both take one of these pills, and no more than one!"
"Oh yeah?? Well, I can take TWO, that's one more than you!"
"If you take two, you'll die, you idiot! This is not the time to practice Oneupmanship!"
"Oh, so you think I'm just average like
you?? No way, I'm _______ (insert name
here), I once _______ (insert exaggerated, unprovable claim here), I can handle two pills, ok?? Gimme those!!!"
Oneupman takes two pills and dies.