Overweight bald men with thick eyeglasses normally contract this illness though it has been known to exist outside of this stereotype.
Also referred to as shitsticks, assfingers is an illness that causes the index finger and middle finger to smell like a shitty asshole. Victims of assfingers can quickly be discovered while pointing something out to you or offering you a stick of gum.
"Jee-SUS! That dude behind the counter gave me directions. He pointed the place out on the map and I leaned over to grab a closer look and WHAM!! He's got assfingers in a bad way. Thought I was gonna straight pass out, I swear to God!"