A celebrity news source comprised of achingly annoying paparazzi and are completely oblivious to how pathetic and boring their news is. They will disturb a celebrity so much to simply get an aggravated reaction to report on. The organization on the whole is like a car crash-- you can't look away (at least for a minute) because of how stupid they are, which is why they're still around.
TMZ Reporter 1: Johnny Knoxville was at LAX with a stuffed panda bear.
TMZ Reporter 2: What was he doing with a stuffed panda bear?
TMZ Reporter 1: I dunno.
TMZ Reporter 2: THOSE CRAZY CELEBS. PRINT IT!
Don't fuckin' touch swords!
Swords'll cut your fuckin' hands off!
The first thing a cashier will guess if you're buying hot dogs and buns, when really you're just a fucking bachelor.
Cashier: Having a barbecue?
To pretend you're not as anxious as you really are; usually used in terms of dating, deals, or any life-altering events.
Dude let HER call YOU, it's only been two days-- play it cool.
A lame excuse for a cop to pull you over, and only dangerous if done improperly, a rolling stop is when you don't come to a complete stop at a stop sign. This includes slowing down to .0000002 mph to look both ways in an unoccupied industrial district. Basically if your wheel doesn't stop moving, you've done a "rolling stop" in the eyes of the law.
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Victim: I was hoping you could tell me, and obviously I don't know why you pulled me over otherwise I wouldn'tve done it in front of you.
Cop: You did a rolling stop back there.
Victim: ...back there at my driveway on the cul-de-sac?
Cop: I don't speak French.
Taking a long ride in a van.
Janitor: Do you like vanning?
Molly Clock: I don't know what that is.
Janitor: Sort of like taking a long drive in a car... except in a van.
Molly Clock: ...still not getting it
Someone who you don't know, but see frequently enough that you say "hey" to each other every time you pass.
Guy 1: Hey.
Guy 2: Hey.
Friend of Guy 1: Who was that?
Guy 1: Just my heyguy.