Doghouse Riley's definitions
From observation, recognising that the general standard of television in my opinion has deteriorated and continues to do so year by year, so much so I now watch very little, I’ve found as far as the programme quality and content on all television channels, the following Doghouse's Laws of Television often apply.
I started compiling this list several years ago and some of these "laws" are now occasionally mentioned by contributors to a specific TV network message board, though of course they can apply to any channel.
I'm sure other contributors may relate to some of them and can think of other examples of practices which could be added to the list.
With a new programme, if your impression of it after ten minutes is that it's going to be rubbish, you’ll only be right 95% of the time.
The number of advance programme trails screened, will be in inverse proportion to the quality of the programme. The ”best bits” of any programme will be included in the trail.
The volume of background music will often be in inverse proportion to the amount of watchable activity on the screen at that time.
Any TV audience gets the standard of programmes it deserves. It’s no good complaining about the quality of a programme if you continue to watch it.
If an idea for a programme suggested to a TV network commissioning department isn’t another soap in one form or another, or requires an "in your face" presenter/auto-cutie, celebrities, judges, phone votes, or the inclusion of dysfunctional members of the public, it is unlikely to be made.
The number of programme presenters appearing at any one time, will usually be in inverse proportion to the quality of the programme.
The number and variety of similar programmes on TV, are likely to be in inverse proportion to their cost to present.
To reach the widest audience, in a programme where the subject is of a specific nature, it may include totally unrelated elements in an attempt to also “engage” viewers who aren’t the slightest bit interested in the actual topic, in a futile attempt to increase the ratings.
Some programmes, even a few news bulletins, given the level at which the programme makers pitch their production, should have the words; "for Dummies" added to the title.
If you've any doubts about watching a programme, from the trails or advertising you've seen, take a chance, give it a miss.
I started compiling this list several years ago and some of these "laws" are now occasionally mentioned by contributors to a specific TV network message board, though of course they can apply to any channel.
I'm sure other contributors may relate to some of them and can think of other examples of practices which could be added to the list.
With a new programme, if your impression of it after ten minutes is that it's going to be rubbish, you’ll only be right 95% of the time.
The number of advance programme trails screened, will be in inverse proportion to the quality of the programme. The ”best bits” of any programme will be included in the trail.
The volume of background music will often be in inverse proportion to the amount of watchable activity on the screen at that time.
Any TV audience gets the standard of programmes it deserves. It’s no good complaining about the quality of a programme if you continue to watch it.
If an idea for a programme suggested to a TV network commissioning department isn’t another soap in one form or another, or requires an "in your face" presenter/auto-cutie, celebrities, judges, phone votes, or the inclusion of dysfunctional members of the public, it is unlikely to be made.
The number of programme presenters appearing at any one time, will usually be in inverse proportion to the quality of the programme.
The number and variety of similar programmes on TV, are likely to be in inverse proportion to their cost to present.
To reach the widest audience, in a programme where the subject is of a specific nature, it may include totally unrelated elements in an attempt to also “engage” viewers who aren’t the slightest bit interested in the actual topic, in a futile attempt to increase the ratings.
Some programmes, even a few news bulletins, given the level at which the programme makers pitch their production, should have the words; "for Dummies" added to the title.
If you've any doubts about watching a programme, from the trails or advertising you've seen, take a chance, give it a miss.
by Doghouse Riley November 2, 2008
Get the Doghouse's Laws of Television mug. A "justgetme" is something, (plural "justgetmes") which a wife asks her husband to purchase on his way home from work or wherever.
These are usually small purchases like a pint of milk or a loaf of bread, but sometimes can be a few items amounting to as much as £10.
Of course, the purchaser will not see any of the cash for these purchases, whether they are for them both, or personal requisites for his other half, who I imagine assumes the funds for which come from "an imaginary source."
These are usually small purchases like a pint of milk or a loaf of bread, but sometimes can be a few items amounting to as much as £10.
Of course, the purchaser will not see any of the cash for these purchases, whether they are for them both, or personal requisites for his other half, who I imagine assumes the funds for which come from "an imaginary source."
Darling, while you're out can you justgetme a pint of milk, oh! and I need some tights, the usual kind and some make-up removal pads and a deodorant.
by Doghouse Riley January 13, 2009
Get the justgetmemug. A film or TV drama where innocent people are taken hostage say, in a bank, where the customers are made by the crooks to all lie on the floor in similar fashion to sausages in a pan. Thus a sausage situation.
by Doghouse Riley April 5, 2008
Get the Sausage situationmug. Passive viewing, watching TV programme or parts thereof, not of your choice to which you've been "exposed."
It is passive viewing if you are watching a television programme you don't particularly want to see, either because you've caught a part of it while changing channels, or by selecting the wrong channel.
Suffering a programme because you are in the company of someone who wants to watch it is passive viewing.
Suffering a programme because you are in the company of someone who wants to watch it is passive viewing.
by Doghouse Riley October 14, 2007
Get the passive viewingmug. A popular singer or entertainer, who affects a manner, lifestyle, or the speech of someone from a deprived or oppressed background, in an attempt to be considered more "street." When in fact they had a middle class or privileged upbringing.
Both Amy Winehouse and Lily Allen are ghetto tourists.
Amy thinks she's Billie Holiday reincarnated, but she was born in a North London suburb, went to an independent school and the Sylvia Young stage school, any "tragedy" she's endured she's manufactured for herself.
Lily Allen tries to give the impression when she sings that she's really a Cockney.
She was born in Hammersmith and raised in Islington, a pleasant London suburb. Her father is an actor, her mother a film producer. She attended a number of private schools in the better parts of London, including one Prince Charles attended.
Amy thinks she's Billie Holiday reincarnated, but she was born in a North London suburb, went to an independent school and the Sylvia Young stage school, any "tragedy" she's endured she's manufactured for herself.
Lily Allen tries to give the impression when she sings that she's really a Cockney.
She was born in Hammersmith and raised in Islington, a pleasant London suburb. Her father is an actor, her mother a film producer. She attended a number of private schools in the better parts of London, including one Prince Charles attended.
by Doghouse Riley January 12, 2009
Get the ghetto touristmug. The practice of deliberately saying you did not witness any controversial incident, just to avoid either further discussion, or any involvement.
In post match TV interviews, whenever Arsene Wenger the manager of Arsenal Football Club is asked about a controversial incident, where say one of his players committed a bad foul, or handled the ball for which the referee didn't award a free kick, he always says; "I didn't see it."
In post match TV interviews, whenever Arsene Wenger the manager of Arsenal Football Club is asked about a controversial incident, where say one of his players committed a bad foul, or handled the ball for which the referee didn't award a free kick, he always says; "I didn't see it."
Despite it happening immediately in front of him, when asked by the police if he'd witnessed the accident, the driver went "All Arsene Wenger."
by Doghouse Riley March 13, 2008
Get the All Arsene Wengermug. The BBC has two digital channels BBC3 and BBC4. These don't start transmitting until 7.00pm.
On BBC4, they repeat several programmes up to three times in the same day and also on other days in the week.
So it's really, BBCB4 "BB see before."
On BBC4, they repeat several programmes up to three times in the same day and also on other days in the week.
So it's really, BBCB4 "BB see before."
BBCB4 scheduled Rich Hall's one and a half hour documentary "How the West was Lost" twice on Saturday 14th June, once on the following Sunday and twice on the following Monday.
by Doghouse Riley June 19, 2008
Get the BBCB4mug.