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86 definitions by DesPERRYado

 
1.

A young male who will give up countless hours of his time listening to the problems of his very attractive female friends because they need someone to talk to about their apathetic, Baywatch jock of a boyfriend because no one else will listen or genuinely care. Although always surrounded by beautiful girls the nice guy can’t get a girlfriend or even facilitate the alleviation of certain “drives” because his “ordinary” physical appearance will forever be compared to the Baywatch beach bum’s. The nice guy would never capitalize on a vulnerable girl, objectify or cheat on a girl, he will go out of his way and bend over backwards to help his “friends” and will never ask for anything in return but no matter how intelligent, understanding, humorous, compassionate, trusting or loyal the nice guy is the female cohort will always pass him up and endure any length of abuse, objectification, apathy and cold-heartedness from a man if he has physical attractiveness, fashion, big muscles and chiseled facial features.

The nice guy will eventually realize that his dependability and empathy will never be appreciated and all his friendships with females are all one-sided. This coupled with years of watching girls go for tanned, muscular jerk-offs with nice cars while he desperately hopes someone will realize that how viable he actually is will spawn and incubate the nice guy’s insecurities and he will eventually abandon his views, dumb-down his speech, take-up weight-lifting and switch majors from cancer research with a minor in theoretical physics to playground management so he can devote his time to emulating Baywatch characters and football players so that he will one day be viewed as more than a “nice guy.”

The nice guy will eventually work up the courage to ask out his attractive female friend but will invariably be turned down because she’s so self-centered that she’d never actually had a smidgeon of compassion for the nice guy’s feelings or even realized that he’s interested in girls. After rejecting the nice guy, the girl will downplay the supposed friendship to the point where they never speak again, which in turn will make the nice guy depressed (ironically, he won’t have anyone to talk to) because he’s devoted so much time and energy and has become so warped from being exposed to these kinds of people that he will either live the rest of his life alone in a tiny apartment, jerking off to old Saved by the Bell episodes or get drunk one night and impregnate a 300-pound, cross-eyed derelict who works at Wendy’s and spend the rest of his life being treated like shit.

The whole ‘nice guy’ phenomenon really supports the idea that people primarily care about physical appearances and that shrewdness, selfishness and narcissism will always triumph over compassion, rapport and “inner beauty.”
"Jeez Patrick, I hope I can find a nice guy like you someday."

"Well, if you need me I'll be at home, crying myself to sleep while masturbating to the sound of my 70-year-old neighbors having sex...I might also play some ps2."
by desperryado October 03, 2005
 
2.
A sociological institution that's true purpose is to protect the family structure (by alienating homosexuals) through guilt, self-doubt and fear by spouting the dogma of a man-made God in order to increase the reproductive rate of pre-industrial or medieval civilizations, which in turn increases a species overall chance of survival.

Up until about two hundred years ago religion was needed in order to keep high birth rates and control the masses; however today, religion is used as a tool to make war, confuse and psychologically damage people and promote hatred towards diversity
Religion ruined my life and turned me against blacks, jews and gays.
by DesPERRYado November 01, 2004
 
3.
A binder or notebook hormoney, middle and highschool boys use to conceal errant erections or NRBs. If one cares to realize, use of a boner barrier is rather obvious due to the uncharacteristic way the binder or notebook is pressed against the crotch region.
"Man, Jenny is looking pretty fine today, I'm thinking of asking her to the 8th grade prom."

"yeah, she can touch my digital pet any day of the week."

"::school bell rings:: Quick, throw me your notebook, I need a boner barrier."
by desperryado October 03, 2005
 
4.
NRB
Short for "No Reason Boner." Generally, an erection that has no inherent cause other than a young man's hormones going crazy. The term is usually used to clear sexual tension when other prepubescent boys notice a bulge originating in your crotch area.
"For Christ's sake Dave."

"heh heh...::nervous laughter:: talk about a NRB. I sure hope the 10th graders don't see me."
by desperryado October 03, 2005
 
5.
In dating, when both parties pay for their own bills, thus effectively dispelling the double-standard where men are always expected to pay.
"If you meet an intelligent, attractive and friendly woman who likes going dutch then you should hang on to her for dear life."
by DesPERRYado October 26, 2005
 
6.
1. A garment usually worn between your foot and footwear which is meant to facilitate optimum body temperature, maximize comfort and decrease disgusting foot odor. Generally comes in pairs.

2. A disposable ejaculatory device used by lonely, socially inept young men who do not like to masturbate in the shower or ejaculate all over furniture.
1. "Man, these new socks are really helping me maintain optimal, maximize comfort and minimize disgusting foot odor. And look, I have one for each foot."

2. "John, where have all your socks gone? I could've sworn that I bought you a pack just last week."
by desperryado October 03, 2005
 
7.
An excuse you give your friends when you want to stay home alone and masturbate. Also known as 'reading' 'cleaning your room' or writing a term paper.
"Want to hang out?"

"No, I'm going to stay home and study."
by DesPERRYado November 08, 2004