1 definition by Dᴇᴇᴢ ɴᴜᴛs
As my father puts it:
"HALF PIG, HALF MAN! SUCKS YOUR BRAIN THROUGH YOUR NOSE!"
As I like to put it:
"Literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard and I wish you would shut up about it for once."
"HALF PIG, HALF MAN! SUCKS YOUR BRAIN THROUGH YOUR NOSE!"
As I like to put it:
"Literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard and I wish you would shut up about it for once."
Wookalars are stupid
EXAMPLE 1:
⁸⁻ʸᵉᵃʳ⁻ᵒˡᵈ ᵍᵘˡˡᶦᵇˡᵉ ᵐᵉ ʷᵃᵗᶜʰᶦⁿᵍ ᵀⱽ ᵃᵗ ⁿᶦᵍʰᵗ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᵐʸ ᵈᵃᵈ
Me: "ʜᴇʏ ᴅᴀᴅ, ɪ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʜᴇᴀʀᴅ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴏᴜᴛsɪᴅᴇ."
My Dad: "ɪᴛ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴀ ᴡᴏᴏᴋᴀʟᴀʀ! Hᴀʟғ ᴘɪɢ, ʜᴀʟғ ᴍᴀɴ! Sᴜᴄᴋs ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙʀᴀɪɴ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɴᴏsᴇ!"
Me: *ᵇᵉˡᶦᵉᵛᵉˢ ᵉᵛᵉʳʸ ʷᵒʳᵈ ʰᵉ ˢᵃʸˢ*
EXAMPLE 2:
¹¹⁻ʸᵉᵃʳ⁻ᵒˡᵈ ᵐᵉ ᵗʳᶦᶜᵏ ᵒʳ ᵗʳᵉᵃᵗᶦⁿᵍ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᵐʸ ᵈᵃᵈ ᵒⁿ ᴴᵃˡˡᵒʷᵉᵉⁿ ʷᵃˡᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᵖᵃˢᵗ ᵃ ʰᵒᵘˢᵉ
Me: "Lᴏᴏᴋ ᴅᴀᴅ! Lᴏᴏᴋ ʜᴏᴡ ʙɪɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴ's ᴛʀᴇᴇ ɪs!"
My Dad: "Wᴀᴛᴄʜ ᴏᴜᴛ! Tʜᴇʀᴇ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ᴀ ᴡᴏᴏᴋᴀʟᴀʀ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʀᴇᴇ! Hᴇ'ʟʟ sᴜᴄᴋ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙʀᴀɪɴ ʀɪɢʜᴛ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɴᴏsᴇ!"
Me: *ᵗᵉᵐᵖᵗᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ᶜᵃˡˡ ᵒᵘᵗ ʰᶦˢ ᵇᵘˡˡˢʰᶦᵗ*
EXAMPLE 3:
¹⁵⁻ʸᵉᵃʳ⁻ᵒˡᵈ ᵐᵉ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵗʳʸᶦⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᶠᵘᶜᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᵉᵃᵗ ᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᶦⁿⁿᵉʳ ᵗᵃᵇˡᵉ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᶜᵒᵐᵖᵃⁿʸ
Guest: "ᴏʜ ɪ sᴀᴡ ᴛʜɪs ᴡᴇɪʀᴅ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴇᴀʀʟɪᴇʀ ᴛᴏᴅᴀʏ ɪɴ ᴏᴜʀ ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛᴍᴇɴᴛ. ɪ ᴀʟᴍᴏsᴛ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ʙʀᴏᴋᴇ ɪɴ!"
My Dad: "ʏᴏᴜ sᴜʀᴇ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀsɴ'ᴛ ᴀ ᴡᴏᴏᴋᴀʟᴀʀ?"
Me: *ᵗʰᶦⁿᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᵒᶠ ᵃˡˡ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇˡᵉ ᵗᵒʳᵗᵘʳᵒᵘˢ ʷᵃʸˢ ᴵ ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵈᵒ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ᵐʸ ᵈᵃᵈ ˢʰᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ᵘᵖ ʷʰᶦˡᵉ ᵃᵍᵍʳᵉˢˢᶦᵛᵉˡʸ ᵉᵃᵗᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵉˢᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ᵖˡᵃᵗᵉ ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᶦ'ᵈ ʳᵃᵗʰᵉʳ ᵖˡᵃʸ ᵐᶦⁿᵉᶜʳᵃᶠᵗ*
Me: *ᵐᶦⁿᵘᵗᵉˢ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ ᶠᶦⁿᵃˡˡʸ ʳᵉᵗᵘʳⁿᶦⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᵐʸ ᵇᵉᵈʳᵒᵒᵐ ᵗᵒ ᵖˡᵃʸ ᵐᶦⁿᵉᶜʳᵃᶠᵗ ᶦ ˢᵉᵉ ᵃ ᶻᵒᵐᵇᶦᵉ ᵖᶦᵍᵐᵃⁿ ᵉˣᶦᵗ ᵃ ⁿᵉᵗʰᵉʳ ᵖᵒʳᵗᵃˡ*
"ʜᴇʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴋɪɴᴅᴀ ʟᴏᴏᴋs ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ.."
*ᵐᵉ ʳᵉᵃˡᶦᶻᶦⁿᵍ ᶦ ᶜᵃⁿⁿᵒᵗ ᵉˢᶜᵃᵖᵉ ᵗʰᶦˢ ʰᵒʳʳᶦᵈ ˡᵒᵒᵖ ᵒᶠ ᵗᵒʳᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵃˡˡ ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵃ ˢᵗᵘᵖᶦᵈ ᵈᵃᵈ ʲᵒᵏᵉ*
*ᵃˡˢᵒ ᵐᵉ ᵈᵉˡᵉᵗᶦⁿᵍ ᵐᶦⁿᵉᶜʳᵃᶠᵗ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵇᵘʳⁿᶦⁿᵍ ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ ᶦ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵐᶦⁿᵉᶜʳᵃᶠᵗ ʳᵉˡᵃᵗᵉᵈ*
True story
EXAMPLE 1:
⁸⁻ʸᵉᵃʳ⁻ᵒˡᵈ ᵍᵘˡˡᶦᵇˡᵉ ᵐᵉ ʷᵃᵗᶜʰᶦⁿᵍ ᵀⱽ ᵃᵗ ⁿᶦᵍʰᵗ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᵐʸ ᵈᵃᵈ
Me: "ʜᴇʏ ᴅᴀᴅ, ɪ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʜᴇᴀʀᴅ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴏᴜᴛsɪᴅᴇ."
My Dad: "ɪᴛ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴀ ᴡᴏᴏᴋᴀʟᴀʀ! Hᴀʟғ ᴘɪɢ, ʜᴀʟғ ᴍᴀɴ! Sᴜᴄᴋs ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙʀᴀɪɴ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɴᴏsᴇ!"
Me: *ᵇᵉˡᶦᵉᵛᵉˢ ᵉᵛᵉʳʸ ʷᵒʳᵈ ʰᵉ ˢᵃʸˢ*
EXAMPLE 2:
¹¹⁻ʸᵉᵃʳ⁻ᵒˡᵈ ᵐᵉ ᵗʳᶦᶜᵏ ᵒʳ ᵗʳᵉᵃᵗᶦⁿᵍ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᵐʸ ᵈᵃᵈ ᵒⁿ ᴴᵃˡˡᵒʷᵉᵉⁿ ʷᵃˡᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᵖᵃˢᵗ ᵃ ʰᵒᵘˢᵉ
Me: "Lᴏᴏᴋ ᴅᴀᴅ! Lᴏᴏᴋ ʜᴏᴡ ʙɪɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴ's ᴛʀᴇᴇ ɪs!"
My Dad: "Wᴀᴛᴄʜ ᴏᴜᴛ! Tʜᴇʀᴇ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ᴀ ᴡᴏᴏᴋᴀʟᴀʀ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʀᴇᴇ! Hᴇ'ʟʟ sᴜᴄᴋ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙʀᴀɪɴ ʀɪɢʜᴛ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɴᴏsᴇ!"
Me: *ᵗᵉᵐᵖᵗᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ᶜᵃˡˡ ᵒᵘᵗ ʰᶦˢ ᵇᵘˡˡˢʰᶦᵗ*
EXAMPLE 3:
¹⁵⁻ʸᵉᵃʳ⁻ᵒˡᵈ ᵐᵉ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵗʳʸᶦⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᶠᵘᶜᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᵉᵃᵗ ᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᶦⁿⁿᵉʳ ᵗᵃᵇˡᵉ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᶜᵒᵐᵖᵃⁿʸ
Guest: "ᴏʜ ɪ sᴀᴡ ᴛʜɪs ᴡᴇɪʀᴅ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴇᴀʀʟɪᴇʀ ᴛᴏᴅᴀʏ ɪɴ ᴏᴜʀ ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛᴍᴇɴᴛ. ɪ ᴀʟᴍᴏsᴛ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ʙʀᴏᴋᴇ ɪɴ!"
My Dad: "ʏᴏᴜ sᴜʀᴇ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀsɴ'ᴛ ᴀ ᴡᴏᴏᴋᴀʟᴀʀ?"
Me: *ᵗʰᶦⁿᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᵒᶠ ᵃˡˡ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇˡᵉ ᵗᵒʳᵗᵘʳᵒᵘˢ ʷᵃʸˢ ᴵ ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵈᵒ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ᵐʸ ᵈᵃᵈ ˢʰᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ᵘᵖ ʷʰᶦˡᵉ ᵃᵍᵍʳᵉˢˢᶦᵛᵉˡʸ ᵉᵃᵗᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵉˢᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ᵖˡᵃᵗᵉ ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᶦ'ᵈ ʳᵃᵗʰᵉʳ ᵖˡᵃʸ ᵐᶦⁿᵉᶜʳᵃᶠᵗ*
Me: *ᵐᶦⁿᵘᵗᵉˢ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ ᶠᶦⁿᵃˡˡʸ ʳᵉᵗᵘʳⁿᶦⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᵐʸ ᵇᵉᵈʳᵒᵒᵐ ᵗᵒ ᵖˡᵃʸ ᵐᶦⁿᵉᶜʳᵃᶠᵗ ᶦ ˢᵉᵉ ᵃ ᶻᵒᵐᵇᶦᵉ ᵖᶦᵍᵐᵃⁿ ᵉˣᶦᵗ ᵃ ⁿᵉᵗʰᵉʳ ᵖᵒʳᵗᵃˡ*
"ʜᴇʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴋɪɴᴅᴀ ʟᴏᴏᴋs ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ.."
*ᵐᵉ ʳᵉᵃˡᶦᶻᶦⁿᵍ ᶦ ᶜᵃⁿⁿᵒᵗ ᵉˢᶜᵃᵖᵉ ᵗʰᶦˢ ʰᵒʳʳᶦᵈ ˡᵒᵒᵖ ᵒᶠ ᵗᵒʳᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵃˡˡ ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵃ ˢᵗᵘᵖᶦᵈ ᵈᵃᵈ ʲᵒᵏᵉ*
*ᵃˡˢᵒ ᵐᵉ ᵈᵉˡᵉᵗᶦⁿᵍ ᵐᶦⁿᵉᶜʳᵃᶠᵗ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵇᵘʳⁿᶦⁿᵍ ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ ᶦ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵐᶦⁿᵉᶜʳᵃᶠᵗ ʳᵉˡᵃᵗᵉᵈ*
True story
by Dᴇᴇᴢ ɴᴜᴛs July 1, 2021