3 definitions by ConcreteMonkey
by ConcreteMonkey February 3, 2005
The chav is much like a wild beast. The chav is commonly found in packs hunting on the open plains of the council estate. Their main source of food is found at the local McDonalds, where a Big Mac and fries will see them tamed for over 20 minutes.
The chav's delicacy is known as Vegrandis Parvulus or Small Child.
Aproaching a chav is thought to be very dangerous, especially of you are under the age of 12 and/or a lone female.
Chavs are also responsible for the crime ratings increase that their country of origin has seen over the last 5 years. Unfortunatly, chavs are seen as the cancer of the United Kingdom and as such, many professionals have been searching for a cure. As of yet, all known cures are still illegal.
The chav is also known to posess many magical powers. A chav can afford to own a car and modify it to the extreme (maxing), whilst still being on the dole. The chavs powers also extend to their ability to 'Get away with murder' in a court of law. Law abiding, tax-paying citzens should stay clear of any legal conflicts when it comes to chavs, as they will undoubtably be found to be at fault. Yes, if you was subject to an unprovoked attack by a group of 20 chavs, and left for dead, you will have been recorded on their knock-off video mobile phones and will be found guilty in a court of law for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and using excessive force to protect yourself.
The chav is however misunderstood. Many people beleive that the chav is illiterate. This is untrue! How else would they know that the paper they have picked up is the 'daily sport'?
The chav also has a very high reproductive system, partially due to the fact that they would 'Shag a trapped rat' and their lack of experience with contraceptives.
The chav is also inexplicably strong as a pack of 20+. On it's own a chav is about as solid as a new-born baby's turd.
The female of the species is known as the Chavette, and commonly wears a white knock-off tracksuit and 9crt Gold plated Clown Pendant.
The male of the species is known as the Chav, and can be seen sporting burberry, tracksuits and cheap 9crt Gold plated Soveriegn Rings. These also double up as a weapon.
The prefered method of transport is a mates clapped out, highly modified, 2-door shit box of a car with an oversized exhaust and clap trap stereo. They are skilled in getting more people into a small car than any other species known to man kind.
The chav's delicacy is known as Vegrandis Parvulus or Small Child.
Aproaching a chav is thought to be very dangerous, especially of you are under the age of 12 and/or a lone female.
Chavs are also responsible for the crime ratings increase that their country of origin has seen over the last 5 years. Unfortunatly, chavs are seen as the cancer of the United Kingdom and as such, many professionals have been searching for a cure. As of yet, all known cures are still illegal.
The chav is also known to posess many magical powers. A chav can afford to own a car and modify it to the extreme (maxing), whilst still being on the dole. The chavs powers also extend to their ability to 'Get away with murder' in a court of law. Law abiding, tax-paying citzens should stay clear of any legal conflicts when it comes to chavs, as they will undoubtably be found to be at fault. Yes, if you was subject to an unprovoked attack by a group of 20 chavs, and left for dead, you will have been recorded on their knock-off video mobile phones and will be found guilty in a court of law for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and using excessive force to protect yourself.
The chav is however misunderstood. Many people beleive that the chav is illiterate. This is untrue! How else would they know that the paper they have picked up is the 'daily sport'?
The chav also has a very high reproductive system, partially due to the fact that they would 'Shag a trapped rat' and their lack of experience with contraceptives.
The chav is also inexplicably strong as a pack of 20+. On it's own a chav is about as solid as a new-born baby's turd.
The female of the species is known as the Chavette, and commonly wears a white knock-off tracksuit and 9crt Gold plated Clown Pendant.
The male of the species is known as the Chav, and can be seen sporting burberry, tracksuits and cheap 9crt Gold plated Soveriegn Rings. These also double up as a weapon.
The prefered method of transport is a mates clapped out, highly modified, 2-door shit box of a car with an oversized exhaust and clap trap stereo. They are skilled in getting more people into a small car than any other species known to man kind.
Jordan, A.K.A Katie Price - The ultimate chavette; Big titted minger with a fake orange tan.
Blazin' Squad - Pack of numerous dickheads trying to rap someone elses songs.
Goldie lookin' chain - Group of welsh wannabe rappers.
There are many more. If you wish to see the Chav in it's natural habitat, visit McDonalds on a Saturday Afternoon or take an evening stroll through your local council estate. (Please, do not go 'Chav Watching' alone)
Blazin' Squad - Pack of numerous dickheads trying to rap someone elses songs.
Goldie lookin' chain - Group of welsh wannabe rappers.
There are many more. If you wish to see the Chav in it's natural habitat, visit McDonalds on a Saturday Afternoon or take an evening stroll through your local council estate. (Please, do not go 'Chav Watching' alone)
by ConcreteMonkey February 3, 2005
A contraceptive is s form of "Child Prevention". Methods include;
A Condom: A rubber sock for you knob.
A Diaphram: A rubber dam for your ladies love box.
The Pill: Easier than a cheap chav tart, cheaper than an 'E'
Abstinance: The art of not shagging if you aint old/responsible enough.
A Condom: A rubber sock for you knob.
A Diaphram: A rubber dam for your ladies love box.
The Pill: Easier than a cheap chav tart, cheaper than an 'E'
Abstinance: The art of not shagging if you aint old/responsible enough.
The Chav species has dramatically grown as a result of smack-heads not knowing about contraceptives. The time has come for the government to either teach people about contraceptives or cut of evey chavs dick.
by ConcreteMonkey February 3, 2005