3 definitions by BitterSalem

Something that nice guys/geeks like me will never experience. This due to the fact that typical human females go for the bigger, dumber alpha male.
Me: “What’s wrong Melissa, why are you crying?

Melissa: “My boyfriend played me for some hoe!”

Me: “aww, that’s sad…is there anything I can do to help?”

Melissa: “No thanks, I took care of that last night when I had make up sex with some other jock”

Me: “oh…ok…”

Melissa: “Thanks so much for trying, you’re such a NICE GUY Salem!”

Me: “Well, if you need me, I’ll be in my room, crying while masturbating to pictures of you from middle school…”

*goes home and masturbates to pictures of Mel from middle school*
by BitterSalem April 10, 2007
A poser, NOT to be mistaken for a real Goth. One who adheres to certain generic hard rock music/style such as Mudvayne or Slipknot and black clothing, while pretending to be a hardcore badass for the sake of getting attention from guys/girls. A faggoth spends all of his/her time conforming to the Hot Topic ideology, dressing mainly in black, while denouncing conformity of all kinds, foolishly mistaking their OWN GENERIC CONFORMITY for individualism. Of course, most deny and dismiss their love for Hot Topic, however the majority just say this to further boost their own "individualism" however this is just an act, a fake plastic attempt to be different, much like their personality. Some faggoths listen to underground music, in hopes of authenticating their own “uniqueness”. Faggoths are known to be quite liberal in their beliefs, ardently denouncing government, politics, and the President of the United States, because that is the cool thing to do. They are for gay rights, and the legalization of drugs, more specifically marijuana. However these attempts to become “individuals” fail miserably because faggoths are just as materialistic, shallow, and egocentric as everyone else whom they claim to NOT be. However, due to lack of intelligence in our society, very few people can distinguish a real goth, from a faggoth.
Faggoth Tony: "I'm such a badass, I listen to cool obscure rock bands, I wear makeup, I smoke pot everyday, and I have 20+ peircings on my face alone...this makes me so cool!"

Stupid Girls Who Fall For BULLSHIT: "wow...and black lipstick...you are such a badass!!! You truely are goth!"

Me: *throws up*
by BitterSalem March 22, 2007
Usually consists of a band, who’s sound is obviously derives from metal (has metal influences), such as distorted electrical guitars, and bass guitars, rapid drumming, and heavy vocals. However the difference between faggoth metal and REAL metal is the ideology of the band itself. A faggoth metal band usually poses for popular magazines, while signing on to giant labels in hopes of getting more money. Once this happens and faggoth metal band becomes popular and forgets why they wrote music to begin with. Faggoth metal bands are known to become quite bastardized, and begin adding their own catchy melodies, such as synths, pop-influenced playing style and female vocals. Other faggoth metal bands become so melodic and catchy, that eventually mainstream hits become inevitable. Faggoth metal bands are extremely popular in faggoths/mallgoths that have a conviction that they are listening to the heaviest form of music known to man, which is the only real reason they listen to it. Adherents of faggoth metal are either posers who are too intimidated by the real real metal culture, and know it, thus this becomes the next best thing for them. Either that or some douche bag jock who think it makes him/her appear tough. Unfortunately for them, this is untrue, and in fact, faggoth metal bands are generally rejected and ridiculed by true metalheads. Prime examples of a faggoth metal bands are Cradle of Filth (the quintessential example), and Slipknot (they are really a hard rock band, but you get the picture).
Faggoth Metal fan: “Dude, this fucking band is so hardcore! I love it, you should listen to it!”

Me: “I rather not…”

Faggoth Metal fan: “Yea, I bet…it’s because you’re too much of a pussy to listen to this, plus you’ve been affected by the mainstream…”

Me: “Actually, it is YOU that have been affected by the mainstream, which is the primary reason you listen to this sell out band. You think that this makes you an anti-conformist, when in fact, this makes you much more of a tool than the preps…And BTW, this is not death metal, it is FAGGOTH metal. If you want death metal, may I suggest a Morbid Angel album?”

Faggoth Metal fan: “Morbid who?!? That’s not metal…I mean…this…is…scary….AHH!!” *runs like a girl and gets hit by a speeding biker, instantly becoming decapitated in half*

Me: *shakes head* “ahh…kids these days…”
by BitterSalem March 28, 2007

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