An elderly individual who annoys the general public by going through what is left of their life in a ridiculously slow fashion. Tasks at which a BAGEL is expert at annoying those around him/her include: driving too slow in the hammer lane, taking too long at the checkout line by counting pennies from a change purse, asking if coupons are still valid (when you are behind them in line and really have to take a monster dump).
Conversely, bagels are a constant source of good humor. This is especially the case when the BAGEL in question is confused about a mundane, day-to-day task, such as the attempted mastry of modern-day technical equipment, gas pumps, and the like. A supremely entertaining example of CONFUSED BAGEL usually involves cellular phones.
Shouted to a BAGEL in a car: "Fucking BAGEL!!!! MOOOOOVE!!!"