Bellser's definitions

sweating like a gimp in a sauna

Phrase to describe profuse sweating analogous to the moisture output of someone in a sauna who is clad head-to-toe in leather.

"Man, it's hot today. I'm sweating like a gimp in a sauna!"

by Bellser July 30, 2006

Bell's Jokes Law

Bell's Jokes Law states that the potential funniness of a joke is inversely proportional to its length.
Thus, long jokes, with excruciatingly long build-ups and high expectations rarely generate belly laughs, whilst short ones can easily take you by surprise and induce spontaneous mirth.

Long joke: An Scotsman, a trout, two donkeys and a nun went blah, blah, blah, blah...... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and do you know what the nun said?
Get trout of my house and take your key Dons with you. :O/

Short joke: What should you do if you find a trumpet growing in your garden?
Root it oot! :O)

Man - 'Hey, those two jokes just demonstrated Bell's Jokes Law!'

by Bellser July 29, 2006

buckleheid

Scots slang for someone who has suffered a marked reduction in cognitive function due to chronic abuse of psychoactive substances.

"See yon Broggs fae Friock, he's a pure buckleheid!"

by Bellser July 29, 2006

double-barrelled snotgun

The mucous-filled nose of someone suffering from a particularly bad cold.

"Yuk! Check the double-barrelled snotgun on that guy."

"I wouldn't fancy getting blasted from that twatmonger's double-barrelled snotgun."

by Bellser August 3, 2006

twatmonger

A context-sensitive term of either endearment or rebuke.

Coming for a break, twatmonger?
or
Derek, you're such a sausage-fingered twatmonger!

by Bellser June 24, 2006

Puss Whip

Small Scottish whip used exclusively for face flagellation.

"Hey twatmonger, come over here and whip me in the puss with that Puss Whip."

by Bellser July 31, 2006

snot volcano

Term used to describe a large blob of nasal mucous blown into a paper tissue and carefully wrapped into a bulb shape before being gently squeezed until snot erupts.

Take cover, my snot volcano’s gonna blow!

by Bellser June 29, 2006