5 definitions by Analex127

Top Definition
A small condom like device which is placed on the end of your bell to avoid smeg removal when you have a shower. This is done for a variety of reasons but mostly to pull the "smeg fridge" prank.
Shit! I forgot to wear my smeg hat and now my dick is all clean.
by Analex127 September 17, 2009
Smeg scorpions are tiny scorpions which live inside your foreskin and feast on excess smeg. They are impossible to remove as they crawl into the deep recesses of your foreskin, but that's what you get for smegging faggot! To appease the scorpions you must masturbate at least 5 times a day otherwise they will get mad and sting the meaty bit within your foreskin. And trust me.. this hurts! By the way circumcised people CAN get them too... gutted.
Shit I only wanked 4 times yesterday and now my bell end is all swollen, fucking smeg scorpions.
by analex127 September 17, 2009
The noise made when you are in the bath and you "take care of yourself" above the water, but some water has got into your foreskin so it squelches, this is usually done instead of below water as the splashing noise usually gives it away, however dick squelches are even more obvious then below water "dick splashes".
"Alex, whats that noise? are you dick squelching" "no mum!"
by analex127 January 23, 2009
When a penis has a large mole like tumor on the end of their bell end or on the bell end, which sometimes engulfs the entire bell. This makes it hard to clean away any excess smeg, so in a way is a natural smeg hat.
Claudia: Hey David what the fuck is that on your bell?

David: Oh! did I forget to tell you I have a mollend.
by Analex127 September 17, 2009
When you wipe your ass after a particularly stick shit, and i little bit of shit gets stuck under your thumb nail, this can then be washed off or fed to a fat guy as chocolate.
by analex127 January 23, 2009
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